LUVANMUSIQ

Making Music
Bodies banging out a beat...
Pelvic bones on percussion...
You whisper in my ear...
I close my eyes and feel u thumping...
Chest to chest...mouths meet in heat...
We taste so good,
I'm struggling...
To keep myself from arriving too soon...
From a rhythm that causes eruptions...
Vocals rock with the rush we've got...
I hear u saying something...
Gripping hips, pulling hair, arching back, calling God and cussing...
Middles bump and grind to the knock of the bass drum...
Back arches, body rolling like the ancestors it come from...
Licks and kisses exchanged when lips and hips meet...
Brings in the horns, strings, and high hats and the rhythm retreats...
Climaxed, collapsed, song over, but the track's on repeat...
Eye contact and we slide back inside the boom bap of our beat...
no other artist can remix this joint or put on a better show...
No words when we part, souls bonded deeper than heart..
cuz we connected at The Roots a long time ago...

© GOODENess 2008

do not collect 2 hunnit dollars!

alright ya'll... I am a fugitive, I admit it... I got tickets so old that they have been transferred to collection agencies...and I have been driving with a suspended license for longer than I am willing to admit on the internet...add to that that my license expired on my 28th birthday (2/16/80...commit it to memory ni99as I need presents!) and you got a bad sityo ready to happen...this is how it went down...I was driving along, minding my own business when I get pulled over my an unmarked police car...DAMN! secretly I'm hoping it's a big, fine, Black officer so I can get my Lil Wayne on...wee oooh wee oooh wee! and shit! but no such luck! I text my cousin "ni99a if I don't call you in 20 minutes, call TT to make arragements for III"... and my son's God Father "in jail...in DeSoto"...and waited with my hands visibly on the wheel...an older white man emerges from the vehicle and the dance begins...

officer: do you know why I pulled you over ma'am?
GOOD: because I was so stunning from afar that you just had to see me up close?
(laughing)
officer: maybe, but not quite, you crossed the solid white line...
GOOD: you got me on a technicality?!
(laughing)
officer: I need your license and registration ma'am
GOOD: I only have my passport because my wallet was stolen (lie) and here is my insurance...

*my insurance flipped over in September so that is the old card...the new one is chilling in my mailbox cuz I don't check it regularly so now u can add Failure to Maintain Financial Responsibility to my list of offenses... Officer Cobb stayed in the car for a LONG time and when the second car arrived I KNEW I was going to jail! FUCK!!*

GOOD: aw you called backup on me man? I thought we were cool?
officer: no way, you look dangerous...(wink) you kill anybody this week?
GOOD: nah, but it's ONLY Monday...
(laughing)

this back and forth continued all the way to the station including me mentioning that it was the first time I had ever been handcuffed when it wasn't for fun...lol...when we got the the jail I told Cobb (that's his name) I was going to struggle a little bit so the real criminals wouldn't think I was "soft" and that I was telling him now so he wouldn't taze me later...he agreed to play along and we went inside...

once I got processed I had already chatted up the jail clerks and processors. what? I am personable and non-threatening and shit...lol...plus, old white men LOVE me and I didn't know how long I was going to be there so I wanted to make friends in high places! some call it FLIRTING...I call it MARKETING!when I got into the cell, the other 3 girls in there were all on me...the pregnant one was like "why you still got your shoelaces, ponytail holder and tongue rings?" I didn't even notice that they hadn't taken that stuff...I was too busy smiling in my mugshots...then I got hungry...the white chick with the black boyfriend said if I buzz the front desk they MIGHT bring me a sammich since I got processed right after lunch...lo and behold I buzzed and they brought...my sammich had lettuce and tomatoes on it though...which further upset my "cell mates"...the salty ass meat on said sammich gave me a headache so preggo says "you can buzz for Tylenol, but it took them 2 hours to bring me mine"...so I buzz...

GOOD: Can I get some Tylenol please?
clerk: who is this, Gooden?
GOOD: yes sir
clerk: hold on

not even 5 minutes later I was getting handed some Tylenol through the slot in the door...this riled up the other chicks who had been having a vivid discussion comparing and contrasting the different jails around the metroplex! YIKES! so I laid on my mat and tried to nap before I got jumped in jail...not a good look...about an hour later there was a knock and the door opened..."GOODEN you're free to go!" YES!! My son's God father is also my lawyer and he got me out! My original game plan was to sit out my fines, but they total more than a "G" and DeSoto/Lancaster/Cedar Hill only pays $50 a day...EFF DAT! Preston knows I think I'm tough and shit, but he wasn't trying to let me earn my street cred as an inmate...LOL...THANK GOD my friend knows me so well!

Even with the special treatment, jail is definitely not the place for me! that was the longest 5 hours of my life...LOL...betcha thought it was longer huh? HA! nope!

Moral of the story...PAY YOUR TICKETS KIDS!

one minute...

Went to my friend's funeral, hoping in peace he now rested...

Growing from a seed to a tree, had worse climate than the rest did...

From age 9, this water sign was abused and molested...

Had hard times but "Jesus walks" is what he'd say like K. West did...

Gave his heart, spirit, mind and his body unprotected…

The catch was this man had 2 lives, showed both sexes affection...

He was on the down low and wasn't fond of protection...

Until he came across this sweetheart, orange moon, bright reflection...

She turned him on to good health and sharing the gift he was blessed with...

Don't ask, don't tell she gave him everything he requested...

Months pass, he's crossing paths, returning to her w/ infection...

She gets a physical and blood test, and then what? Yeah you guessed it!

Honey has full blown AIDS, to make it worse, 2 months pregnant...

She’s in the ground, not breathing now, and her children are neglected…

Meaningful life cut in its prime because she never asked questions!

Protect yourself and your partner’s health, life ends quick when you’re reckless!

Moral of the story, know your status and no latex no sex kid!

When you lay with one, you’re sexing all the people they've slept with…

The realest shit ever spoke…so respect it…get tested!!

© GOODENess 2008

(sigh) I'm only going to type this once!

PALIN is a mess! McCain tried to poke holes in Obama's short politcal career and then he goes and chooses new booty as a running mate? She has 5 kids! In today's society, who the fugg has 5 kids anymore? I'm sorry but gas costs too much for that! (I'm blame high gas prices and Jim Jones for EVERYTHING!) I only have one child and my hands are full! She isn't going to have time to do anything vice-president-ey cuz she needs to be off somewhere mommy-ing! WTF! As a single mom, I say...toddlers do NOT belong in the White House!! She needs to wait a few more elections and try again...and she is married but her husband needs a stylist! How in the HECK-CK+LL are you going to be in the spotlight and your man is standing to the side playing house husband in some Dockers and plain ass, white button down shirt EVERY TIME he is seen on camera!! In my mind, makes her a bad wife too!! (Take care of yo'KANG gal!) The only thing that makes her palatable is that she has a teenage daughter that is having a baby...on the outside looking in, it adds a human-ness to the McCain camp that wasn't there before, but then she goes all Desparate Housewives on us and there are rumors that she was going to fake a pregnancy to claim the grand-child as her own! Kill Yo'Self!! all that being typed and the fact that I am passionate ObamaMAMA not withstanding, I would like to go on record as saying...

McCain needs more McPeople!

SI SE PUEDE!

and the winner is...

ME!! I love me some VSB...I am there daily and they just posted their 100th post! (confetti and air horns and sh1t) CONGRATS!! so in honor of such a magnanimous event, the Very Smart Brothers (and Liz) decided to actually create the VSB t-shirts...reveal the top 5 t-shirt slogan vote getters...and hand out "The VSB.com 100 Post Anniversary Commentator Awards"

My slogan “Smart b*tches have drama too” was one of the top those top 5 joints...(taking a bow) and I won an award!! I was so happy that I actually CALLED people to tel them that I won! lol... like there was a ceremony or something...I know, I need more people....but whatever, I was KRUNK TEXAS...it went like this...

***scene goes all wavy for the flashback sequence***

the goodeness corner award, for the most consistently outrageously entertaining comments, goes to, you guessed it, the goodeness herself…a woman who also has the distinct honor of receiving an award named after herself. good job and sh*t. 1st runner up, and probable 2009 winner: luvvie

and here was my acceptance speech...(clearing throat)

before I scroll up and read the intelligent ignorance that I’m sure has taken place…let me say…

COONNNNGRRRAAAATTTTUUUULAAAAAA-HOOO-HOOO-HAAAAY-HOOO-HOOOOO-TIOOOOOONNNNNSSSS!!! (Vesta style!)

I am so happy to be an active supporter of a MOVE-MEANT for ni99as that read and sh1t!! salud!

now…**smoothing out my wrinkled acceptance speech** YOU LIKE ME! YOU REALLY LIKE ME! (shout out to Sally Field) I am KRUNK TEXAS that I got an award for doing something I love to do! **turning on my over-articulate Black church lady impression** Givink honter tuh Gawt, Passuh, congruhgayshun and frints… lol…nah for real this time…I would like to thank VSB (and LIZ) and sh1t for creating a safe place for grown ups to be ignit as h3ll and drop knowledge all at the same time…I would like to shout out to my mom for not putting me on Ritalin all those years ago! Want to shout out to the Pink Ribbon Plantation for not blocking my daily dose of cerebral stimulation…last but not least I GOT to show love for my BFF “ABCDE” for getting me hooked on this man-based mind phuck…

I have GOT to say (type) that I love all ya’ll…my VSB(rothas and sistas), you all make my day at the plantation seem to breeze by! The site is a terrible drug, cuz I really feel like I know most of you for real but I wouldn’t know you if you grabbed my @ss and licked the side of my face in the street and yet most of you would be welcome to sit on my couch without the standard criminal background check and DNA test type of sh1t! (although you will still be required to provide a copy of your driver’s license, just in case…) so if you’re ever in MIC CITY (Dallas *muhfuggin* TEXAS) hit a sista up! we’ll do lunch!

how fuggin DOPE is it that the award ya’ll gave me is NAMED after me!???! (blushing) I am still geeking on that one!! NOW MY NAME WILL LIVE ON IN INFAMY!!! **evil laugh**

and to make a great honor even better...my e-fam MONK, gave me another award that was also (kind of) named after me, but not really!

*The “I Love Your Head” Award goes to…GOODENESS!! And no, it’s not your tongue rings…lol. I just enjoy your wit, humor, and ummm…brains.

and I said...

MONK…when I read that…I just KNEW you were gonna go left with it…but you kept it right! lol…I am all blushing and sh1t! THANK YOU LUV! (curtsy) cuz I’m a laaaady! this has been the best week ever for the GOOD…ya’ll make me smile!

This week has been a DOPE one for me:

MONDAY - last minute meet & greet w/ Musiq Soulchild
TUESDAY - Nas/Talib Kweli concert
WEDNESDAY - booked 2 passion parties for September
THURSDAY - got my very first web-based award (kind of)
FRIDAY - got my very second web-based award (kind-of)
SATURDAY - going to a red carpet magazine launch party

so e-folks...this has been the BEST WEEK EVER! for the GOOD one... ***happy dance*** just had to share that with the group and sh1t!

As always...be GOOD or be GOOD AT IT!

sh1t that apparently only happens to me...volume 1

***the picture above was actually (secretly) taken at the "free clinic" yesterday and the brothers in the black and white t-shirts are the subjects of my post today***

Welcome to the maiden entry of a segment I would like to call (theme music) "shit that apparently only happens to me!"

Picture it...Sicily 1913..oh wait...wrong show...damn I loved the Golden Girls, didn't you? (RIP Estelle Getty)... ok focus GOOD, remain on task! Real talk, I'm a contractor and therefore don't have health insurance...so, being the hustler that I am, I figured out how to get general health exams and my chocha checked for free! I get muhfuggin checkups at Dallas County Health and Human Services aka the "free clinic"..now when u hear the phrase "free clinic" do u think romance? perhaps love at first sight? H3LL NAH!!!I think pissing fire and penicillan shots. Not my idea of a great place to pick up women...oh but the 2 musketeers in the picture above (that I secretly camera-phoned in the waiting room) seem to feel differently...I was approached by each of these men...not approached as in "hey sista can you tell me what time it is?"...approached like "do u stay around here, pretty red?"..."your hat is that fiyah, I like your style mama..." and my personal favorite "whatchu doing when u leave here?"...you should have seen my face! it was a cross between NIGGA REALLY? and a smile for fear of hood related retaliation...and for the record "FIYAH" is not really a word that should be uttered in a "free clinic", yes?

so I asked myself...self...catching rhythm at the free clinic...great or gross? my answer...GROOS...whether he is a doctor that's impressed with my "stirrup game" or a fine hood-style babymaker with crotch rot the whole approach is suspect...u know why?? huh? huh? do ya?? cuz it's the fuggin "free clinic" that's it...that's all..

so today's segment of "shit that apparently only happens to me!" has been brought to you by our proud sponsors at Trojans, where the new slogan is "Trojans are cheaper than child support!" and the letters "W" "T" and "F"...thank you for your time and attention...you may now return to your regular scheduled program already in progress!

lights schmights...

In the last few months, I have been going through a type of psycho-socio-economic struggle that I have NEVER encountered before...I am talking the types of challenges that I have seen crumble lesser individuals... To say that my lights getting cut off while the male gamete chromosome donator is eating out everyday and getting pedicures and sh*t was weighing on my normally positive and progressive spirit would be a bigger understatment than calling Souljah Boy an "artist"!! Not even 15 minutes ago I was reaching a point when I was feeling overwhelmed, overextended and so many other less than happy OVER-emotions...head on desk...verge of tears...phone rings...a bill collector...sigh...something said answer it this time it can’t gat any worse…well I answered and the lady on the phone was from Ford, she said I qualified for a DOUBLE payment deferment if I pay this month’s note…so I scheduled a post dated check and I don’t have to make another payment until October…can you see the tears running down my face!!!! RIGHT when I was ready to just crumble from frustration…GOD stepped in and made a way…like He always does!!! I am still sitting here trying to fix my face!!! I am beside myself with joy and I had to share this with somebody...anybody...you guys...the e-fam...AMEN!!!!

did you know? (quarterly rant...)

Ok…I know I am busy…and that makes it hard to “date” and sh*t…but when I am approached by someone I find attractive and engaging…I make an honest effort to connect. When I type “connect” that is not code for “f*ck”. It means I want to get together in a well-lit, public place and have a face to face, get to know you better vibe session to decide if my initial assessment of your bang-ability was correct…I have been wrong on this sh*t before people so I am not wasting anymore time on the “bait and switch” bullsh*t that is taking over the single free world… so…since I am a civic minded individual, here are two things that I have realized are NOT common knowledge that irritate the F*CK out of me:

1. DICK PICS – at this point we have already exchanged contact information and have spoken at least once. I am a visual woman, so I usually ask for a picture for my photo ID after I have decided that you are worth actually saving in my phone. A word to the wise, if/when I ask for this picture…DO NOT send me a picture of your “meat puppet”! You may not be “working with” what you think you are and will not only get clowned for being so presumptuous, but relegated to the DNA (do not answer) section of the phone with your “love muscle” as your photo id picture…and I will show all my girls too, if it’s really a fool mess that you should have kept to yourself...even if it’s a really mouth-wateringly good looking piece, I am forced to DNA you on GP…but I will pause for the cause (read: close my eyes, bite my bottom lip and fantasize about riding you into the sunset) before I do…moral of the story…(unsolicited) dick pics are a deal breaker…

2. SCHEDULING - if you had the good sense to avoid the DICK PIC pothole and we make plans…you are officially on the calendar…that means I won’t schedule your designated time slot with anyone else! So honor our appointment! I am a busy sister with lots of sh*t to do! I hate when dudes realize (and witness) what my life is like and then try to pull these last minute “come see me, baby” type joints! First of all…I am NOT coming to see YOU…we both know what that means…and accidentally f*cking dudes under the thinly veiled excuse of “kicking it at the crib” has landed me a stalker or two, so I’m over it! Not to mention what MAN would ask a WOMAN to drive across town (at night or at all) to come see him? I mean you won’t get to know where I live until like date #3 (or #8) but don’t even ask me to your place off top…Even if gas wasn’t higher than my credit score, I can chill at my own damn place! Ni99a!! so you need to take a b*tch somewhere…well not really “take” but meet me there and pay for my food and sh*t..LOL (I use b*tch in jest…if you don’t like it…stop reading my sh*t)

Bottom line…if you are just trying to f*ck…say so…you might be surprised…but don’t play like you give a sh*t about anything other that finding out how I got my screen name (I didn’t name myself, you know?) Just be honest…like I said, I got sh*t to do!

This concludes the “shit I wish ni99as knew” rant for the quarter…thank you for coming out, God bless you, goodnight!

no home...penned 7.21.08

***original artwork "priorities" by Jeremy Biggers ***

A good friend of mine gave me a poetic assignment...move my pen to the beat of that which is living in the street...so I did...like to read it? here it goes...


They see me sitting on the curb and cross the street…
Size me up, tattered clothes, dirty hair, shoeless feet…
Staying discreet…eyes don’t meet…I bake in sweltering heat…
Pretending that I’m not pissed off to see “decent” folks bow heads and retreat!
No one stops to ask, how I got in this position…
Maybe a war vet that came home to a cold US reception…
Couldn’t find a job, got robbed and fell into a dismal depression…
Might be a crack head that lost my way on the road to redemption…
Times got hard on the boulevard and I fell back into my addiction…
What if I was an eccentric millionaire testing society’s hidden affliction…
Exploring the latent prejudice of how we treat our street ridden…
But I’m not…
Got good sense, went to school…had no gun, pulled no trigger…
Playe the fool, thought it cool, labeled my self a ni99a…
Out on my own, life’s a b!tch, yeah she’s fine but she’ll trick ya…
Saw my life crash and burn through broken bottles of licka…
They took my kids, I lost my job, adversity never did stop…
I lost my will…numb and still…the curb is my pillow top…
The moon my night light…Sunrise alarm clock…
Can’t get a job because I don’t have an address with a door and a lock…
So I walk…F*CK!!!!
I got so much on my plate…
Everything I get is late…
Oscillating between self pity and hate…
Can’t seem to make this crooked life…straight…
Trying hard to see the silver lining…
Nimbus rains…pleasantry declining…
But I ain’t no whining…
Type of cat…just a woman with no design,
So I recline…and marinate on that…

© GOODENess 2008

It's hard out here for a MYLF...

I have a friend that is married and getting ready to have a baby…he is geeking about becoming a father and asked me some “kwerstchuns” about parenthood and junk, because he values my opinion…(what?? Don’t look at the screen like that!! I’m smart and insightful and shit! LOL) He suggested I post the answers…and since I do as I am told (when I want to)…here are two of them…


HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE “PARENTHOOD”?
I would describe parenthood as…the process of teaching your child(ren) the things you know to be true…the lessons you have learned the hard way…and giving them the tools to make productive, effective, positive decisions for themselves…it’s a PROCESS for sure…there is not a wrong or right way to do it…and we are all different…Like Chris Rock said…as a daddy, your only job is to keep your daughter off the pole! Lol… I talk to my son like a little person… he has good reasoning and deduction skills because of it…BUT…that isn’t always a good thing for a 4 year old to have…he is very smart!! his 14 year old cousin told me that he makes her feel stupid…lol… and then…you have the times when your influence, comes back to bite you in the arse…last night he made me want to jump off the balcony…

(back story) for the last 6 months or so, the co-parent has lived around the corner from us, but isn’t nearly as active as a father should be…especially since our son is AWESOME…you’d think he’d be excited to play daddy…but he’s not…anyway…the genius is going back overseas to work…indefinitely…he worked overseas until Aug07 so my son hasn’t always had his daddy in his life…but I had been in a deeply committed relationship since Clarence was a year old (until April ‘07) so he had a great, consistent male influence…wait...I am all over the place…let me focus…my son thinks rationally…too rationally… last night my (beautiful) son asked me…”mom, since daddy is going over the seas, and (insert past love’s name here) isn’t our friend anymore, does that mean that I don’t have no daddies at all?” WTF??? I cried…a hard, gut shuddering cry…this is an example of the gift and the curse that is parenthood… you teach them well…and your sensitive areas are revealed by the simplest questions… and it re-opens shit you thought you had handled…like the fact that my son doesn’t have a man…an needs one more than I do…

If you are active in your children’s lives, you are so special….male presence in the family makes me smile… because I know what the absence of it can lead to…

WHAT SACRIFICES HAVE YOU MADE?
I can’t say that sacrifice is the right word to use…I don’t feel like I have given up anything to be a mother… I love this job! I can’t come and go as I please…and my money doesn’t go as far as it would if I were “single” (meaning no child) but it doesn’t bother me in the least…it’s a part of responsible parenthood… I think it would hamper more selfish people though…to be honest…but it’s a trade that is immeasureable in worth… but I will say this…BALANCE IS PARAMOUNT!! There are myths about not being able to live your same pre-child life plans, but you can…it just takes more effort…I got pregnant in college and was a triple major (finance, accounting and entrepreneurship) but I had to drop two of them…then I got divorced and had to rebuild my life…so I stopped school, moved back to Dallas (I was in Houston) and got a job and a place…I had never lived by myself…or worked to live before… and I waited until Clarence was 2 before I went back to school…I finished my undergrad in September of last year on my son’s 4th birthday…and it was a celebration for us both! It was even sweeter to me that he was there for the whole thing, because I showed him that you can do whatever you set your mind to…regardless of what life has in store for you…rain makes rainbows…and I dance in the rain…so anything that I changed or remixed due to the fact that I am a mother…a single mother…was well worth it… I also keep my “dating” life separate from my “mommy” life…but that is understood…it’s complicated sometimes, because my son is such a big part of me that keeping my suitors at bay where my son is concerned is challenging…but he has only been around one man (other than his dad) and when he and I split…I saw my son’s heart break because my heart was broken and I will NEVER put him through that again…he wanted to “bite” him in the face and tell him “not to EVER make his mommy cry again”…and that tore me up…I am not single because of my son, by a long shot…but I am conscious of the fact that the man in my life, will ultimately be the man in his…and I haven’t met anyone worth bestowing that title upon…yet…

the very first time...

Last night I did an open mic… It was a family friendly event, so I took my big boy with me…he was SO excited…I never realized that he didn’t know I spit…but when the EmCee called “GOODENess” to the stage and everybody started clapping (this is one of my more regular spots) his little eyes lit up… he stood up in his chair and was clapping too! He made me SO nervous! Lol… when I got crowd luv during my time, he said “go mommy!”… then when I got back to my seat, he ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug…and said he was “proud” of me… and I did an “awesome” job… it’s funny because that’s how I talk to him… and it made me feel really good to hear… I guess that’s how he feels when it comes from me…everybody was commenting on what a good by he was and how much they enjoyed his mommy's work, he really enjoyed the positive attention... last night was the very first time, my son saw his mommy share her art... It made my soul smile... I am still beaming now...just had to share... spek easy!

LUVANMUSIC

I AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC! Of all the blessings that God gave us to feed our earthbound spirits, MUSIC is my favorite… it’s the most universal, simple form of expression on this planet! Honestly, the word LOVE isn’t big enough…MUSIC is my HEARTBEART! I tell everyone, “Life has a soundtrack!” I listen to everything from blue grass to sohk…reggae to jazz…country to calypso…soul…gospel…pop…alternative…but of everything I expose myself (and my son) to, hip hop is my most favorite love child!

I have had a crush on music all of my life…but I can remember the exact day I, excuse the cliché, “Fell in love with hip hop”…Wednesday, May 10, 1995 (DAMN this date is significant as hell, twilight zone music), I remember because my daddy moved back to Texas Mother's Day 1995, but that has nothing to do with this post other than giving me a benchmark to remember me and my true love's anniversary, so I digress, excuse my tangent...It was a hot summer day in Dallas, TX, the school year was almost over and I was on the late school bus (after cheer practice)… This senior I had been crushing on, Michael Cameron (hmmm…there is an intimate coincidence in the name “Michael” or MIC and its role in my actual “love” life, but that won’t ever make it to a blog, so back on task)…where was I, oh yeah…Michael was on the bus that day…and I was glad to see that the ONLY open seat was next to him (swoon)…we were cool (most of my crushes think I am MAD COOL, but don’t ever pursue “The COOL”, ya dig?) and he was bobbing his head to the beat coming from his earplugs…he saw me watching him, smiled, and offered me one of his earphones…we sat hugged up in that seat, bobbing to the beat, smiling at the clever word play and images in our mental videos…THAT IS WHEN IT HAPPENED…

Just think, what if you could just, just blink yourself away?
Just think, what if you could just, just blink yourself away?
Jeff X can rock the MIC with tooth decay
I be the 5 foot 7, residing at the Mecca lesson south section
Used to cut class in the infinite pursuit of ass
Back in eighty-six!

I was enamored with the voice, the language, the delivery, the imagery, and the cool cadence of what I was hearing…”Proceed” by The Roots, is the note that hip hop sent me in class that asked… “Do you like me? circle YES or NO”…and thus the CRUSH GROOVE began…

I met another lover in SPOKEN WORD in 2000, Hip Hop’s twin brother… I began to “spit” my thoughts on MICs across MIC city...WORD was DOPE and we are still together going stronger than ever…building a kingdom of better…FINDING FOREVER!

In 2004, I was given my own personal MIC…an experience that enhanced everything I already held in my soul for my mate…helped my rhythmic adoration grow in leaps and bounds, clicks and sounds, and showed me an appreciation for the creation and production of the music behind my love… which open doors to DONUT shops and showed me my LITTLE BROTHER the 9th WONDER of the world…

Over the years, my affection for all creative expressions of a soul’s art has grown exponentially… I didn’t think I could ever feel this kind of euphoria from an inanimate concept…but MUSIC does it for me…it makes me happy when I’m sad…sad when I’m happy…it makes me thoughtful…grateful…it inspires me…makes me remember things I wish so desperately to forget…desire things I have yet to completely embrace…and every thing in between…

What makes YOU give up your ?love and allow you to exhale?

Father's Day 2008

(unfortunately I don’t have ANY pics of this event! drunk, much?)

I am an advocate for the school of thought that believes that tradition in an impediment to innovation! That being typed…guess how the GOODENs rung in Father’s Day? We (my sisters Remica, 34 and Tiffany, 27 and I, 28) subconsciously divided the day into 3 phases, and each of us was over one phase…Remi was over the day activity, Tiff was over the meal selection of the day, and yours truly was in charge of evening entertainment…I decided that our handsome, loving father should stimulate his “lust” life…Remica took him to the mall and bought him an outfit… Tiff embraced Daddy’s love Asian ish so we went to a Chinese buffet for LUNNER (lunch+dinner)…and then we dropped him off at home with instructions to be shit-ed, showered, shaved, dressed (in his new outfit) and ready to G-O by 9.30pm!

“Where are ya’ll taking the old man?” he asked pensively, knowing that his most extroverted daughter (ME) was the ring leader of the evening Father’s Day activities…

(evil laugh) “just get dressed and start making our pre-evening cocktails please knee grow?”… (yeah, my Daddy is my ni99a…it’s normal for us)

We head to my place and get all GOODENed up…we decided at the last minute to all wear little black dresses, to match Daddy…but they didn’t pack any…problem solved…I am a clothes elephant (passed ”horse” years ago) I had like 10 LBDs in my closet (2 with price tags still hanging) so we got our Destiny’s Child on…you know…the same but different…lol…all stunning, but of course there was an obvious stand out… (blushing)

We scoop the old man…DRINK…and go to Walmart to debit over for the cash for our evening…Daddy walked off and we had to hunt him down, macking on some young tender in the produce section… now that I type that…I understand why people were staring…we were all dressed alike (short dresses, tall heels) calling a middle aged man “Daddy”…they must have thought he was out pimp! hilarious! But I digress… we got to our destination…STONE TRAIL…(shout outs to Don Diego and the Razz Band!) yes people…for Father’s Day 2008, the Gooden family took our proud poppa to the CLUB!

It was SO FUN! We danced to almost every song…My Daddy was getting his mack on…and the guys were asking him if they could dance with us, as if he really was our “MAN-ager”…LOL…we hustled a few free drinks for him and ourselves and had a GREAT TIME! We played HOLLA BACK (the phone number game) and HE won! (shrugging) I get it from my Daddy! The most UN-traditional Father’s Day celebration of all time! Well, not for my family…but maybe for the rest of the world…his b-EARTH-day is in 2 weeks…you know what he’s getting? Guess…c’mon…guess…

(drum roll please)

WE are getting dear old dad a tattoo for his 51rst Biological New Year!

What did you do for Father’s Day 2008?

How will YOU being today?

A friend of mine wrote a post about the “End of Days”…initially it made me sad…it's premise was thought provoking in and of itself… but being the introspective soul that I am…I asked myself…”self, what are you waiting for?” The post made me think of the opportunities that I’ve squandered, overlooked, or didn’t pursue in my life. I have personal and professional life goals and specific plans of action to achieve those goals…but somewhere along the way, I got sidetracked, setback, distracted by a shiny object, whatever you want to call it… My dear friend’s post led me to evaluate my life…it’s circumstance…it’s joy…it’s triumph…and it’s apathy…I am not content in my current life state…and have fallen victim to the inactivity that the fatigue of survival often brings…and when I attempt to ameliorate my discontent, I feel like a 500 pound person at the gym…I just don’t know where to start…SO…the cycle continues…NOT TODAY!!!

I got so buried in bills and bullshit that I loosened my mind’s grip on my life plans in order to hold on to my sanity! I have only been off the path that I laid out for myself by 6 months or so…but that is MORE than enough for me…I have seen those that speak on dreams deferred, drowned in a sea of “maintaining”…I won’t do it! I won’t show that existence to my legacy! I refuse!! I am frustrated and drained by my efforts to break even…the inactivity of my co-parent…the absence of support for my mental/emotional health…the exasperation at my awkward unwillingness to submit myself to another soul on the necessary level to facilitate the growth of something deep enough to provide a relevant, consistent male role model for my little prince…sometimes I feel like I am “groping at smoke for my mind, or the readily dissolving remnants of it” (Jill Scott)…I exhale…regroup…look in the mirror…wipe my frustration's tears and smile…because I know RAIN MAKES RAINBOWS!

When I am gone from this world, I want people to say things about me and my existent that will bring peace and comfort to my son as he mourns my loss…I want him to know that his mom died as she lived... a positive spirit that followed her dreams…achieved her goals…supported the aspirations of her son…genuinely treated people the way she wanted to be treated…learned from her mistakes and was a good, soul-filled, loving woman…I live today, so that my son can be comforted by the honest memory of his mother when my days are done…the good, the bad, and the ugly!

“Every now and then you have to ask yourself, do you really want to win…or just look good losing?” ~ Little Brother!

I being today, looking for a more fulfilling job, investigating the certifications, classes, degrees etc necessary to accomplish my professional life desire a Human Sexuality Professor (Sexologist) and effective Social Activist…How will YOU begin today?

ahaaa hush that fuss...everybody move to the back of the bus!!

As you can tell from my “Mother’s Day 2.0” post…gas in TX is definitely as “high as giraffe cat”… I drive an Explorer XLT aka “SUPERFORD” and I LOVE my truck and I don’t want to trade it for something less petro-heavy…but it costs 76 bux to fill her fly ass up! So, as a result of my efforts to find more cost effective ways to avoid getting a second job (or a sugar daddy) to pay for gas, I am parking and riding now...that is I am parking my truck at a transit center and riding the DART (Dallas Area Rapid Transit) to the farm...(flipping through the classifieds for part time dominatrix positions)

I have not ridden a bus in over 14 years and I was eerily geeked about it…(like in a freshman on the first day of high school kind of way…) I went online to find out what buses/trains I need to take to get from pre-school to the plantation before “massuh” started her thinly veiled “desk checks” under the guise of “Good Morning”! Train leaves at 6:56am…OMG! I do NOT do mornings…so…

I carefully planned my travel friendly outfit and made sure my “work purse” was packed the night before...I woke up at 5, re-showered (yes I said re-showered) and got ready…woke the legacy up at 530 and left the house at 610… tried to stop to get the boy some donut holes, but the bootleg donut place we frequent wasn’t open yet…WTF? I thought donut places opened at like 5…but I digress…stopped at the gas station and got his a honey bun instead (we gotta improvise sometimes) and still got him to school at 637 and got the Ledbetter station in enough time to park, grabbed me a Quick newspaper, stand in line to buy a ticket, and ask the regulars which ticket to buy…lol…I felt like Mary Tyler Moore…I wanted to take off my hat and throw it in the air… “I’m going to make it after all!” it was so easy…it really was like the first day of high school! I befriended a nice group of smoking white ladies who admired my neck-too (the cool seniors)…I asked where I was supposed to go to catch the 183 (like trying to find homeroom)…there were poles with the bus numbers on them, so it was easy when I looked…an as soon as the train let us off…the bus was right there and pulled out as soon as we got on! the “express” was packed, men were giving up their seats for women…I was so proud of them…and there were minimal “crazy folks”… I guess they aren’t up that early…I don’t really have to walk very far, so I can wear heels on occasion and still be comfy! the only things I have to have to continue my public transportation adventure is some kind of music player and a bus pass because $3 a day for a day-pass is defeating the purpose of the financial conservation experiment…I also decided I will be dressing a little more like my regular (when not at work) self because I will be crossing paths with more people and there were so many nice looking employed people trying to save gas money too…I want to blend in…lol…I have also noticed I am in a better mood today…the commute must have been a contributing factor to my mood…YEAH ME! I deserve a gold star by my name! I think I will buy some with all the money I am saving by riding public transportation (and switching to GEICO)!

As always…be GOOD or be GOOD at it…speak easy!

(this message was brought to you by our favorite corporate sponsor… please enjoy responsibly…don’t drink and drive! Drink and ride the bus!!)

Mother's Day 2.0

Times are changing…in this age of instant gratification, internet everything, and life moving at the speed of John McCain’s Viagra supply…It’s hard to hold on to the little things that make life sweet…like Mother’s Day! Gone are the days of a macaroni necklace, a construction paper card and runny ass pancakes and eggs masquerading as breakfast in bed…oh no…now these millennium moms want Blackberries, spa days, and new cars for crying out loud…I remember when the memory of a few flowers from the neighbor’s yard in your favorite My Little Pony collectible glass would get you out of a well deserved “ass whoopin” well into June…the good ole days of inedible homemade heart shaped cookies that she would pretend were delicious until you turned your back so she could spit them into her napkin are dead and gone people! The saddest part of this travesty of tradition is, I am one of these moms… my son is only 4.5 years old so I fully intend to not only wear my MACARONI NECKLACE with pride…but create a color coded outfit to showcase my hand crafted aldente accessory…but for the grown ups that are sweet enough to call and ask “(insert government name here), what do you want for Mothers’s Day?” I am thoughtful enough to reply with the most useful, honest, and tradition-less response I can muster…”a gas card”…plain and simple…I drive an Explorer XLT, people…”back in the day” when gas was a meesly 2.5 bux, it cost fiddy bones to put the “super” Ford on “F”! now? PUSHWATER is running at a staggering 3.53 per gallon! That’s higher than my credit score! So if you are reading this…and you aren’t quite sure what to get your maternal unit for Mother’s Day, Baby Mama Day (also celebrated on April Fool’s), or whatever kind of matriarchial mayhem you celebrate in your household …before you break out your safety scissors, spray glitter, and pipe cleaners…think about these two words …GAS (muhfuggin) CARD…trust me, she will like that much better than that slicing, dicing, peeling wheeling, thingamabob you were going to order from the infomercial…I mean, does your mom even COOK anymore?? Seriously?… (releasing a sigh of relief) I am SO glad I got that off my chest…

This concludes today’s public service announcement brought to you by your local BMA (Broke Moms Anonymous) chapter… where our motto is,
“we may not have the dough…but our kids will never know”…
you may now return to your regularly scheduled program, already in progress…

SERIOUSLY, what are you YOUR Mother’s Day Plans?

kiss IT good-bye! waiting to exhale...I think...

Since April 6, 2007 I have been under the most drastic personal re-construction effort I have ever been thrust into in my life…the transition started February 19, 2007…that is the day that I realized that the love that gave me a glow that everyone could see from miles away, was over…now, that being typed…Let me explain, a little…Ito say I got my “heart broken”…would be putting it lightly…I was physically, mentally, and emotionally (but not spiritually) disrupted…I had to no appetite, I couldn’t sleep, looked a mess, and couldn’t focus for too long on anything…I couldn’t even listen to music…and my real friends know, music makes my heart beat! I didn’t want to be bothered with the details or drama of anything even remotely resembling a relationship (from now on referred to as the “R” word)…There was only one problem…I LOVE SEX! Now I didn’t even start giving my phone number out again until mid July…and I was “back in the saddle” by August…the issue was, I didn’t want the “R” word…I just wanted the “D”…ya dig? I have been pretty much operating that way since then… I have run into issues from the guys I meet trying to lock me down, but I am in no way, shape or form ready for that…it’s crazy I can share my body but not my heart with someone, but it’s true…it wasn't "random" but I wasn't "making love" either...I find power in my sex, in the act of dominating and being dominated, in the fact that no matter what else is going on in the world in that moment…I am all that matters…it’s a RUSH! An ESCAPE! But when I awake from my cum drunk binge of naughty-ness, I am still not satisfied… like country folks say ”same thing make you laugh, make you cry”…and really there hasn’t been any “piece” that I have come across that has been able to quench that thirst in me…not since February…(fist on chin, looking into the sky in "reminisce" mode) he was AWESOME, but the satisfaction was because we had so much more than a physical dynamic to nourish our connection…I am absolutely terrified of opening myself up to the mere possibility of being shattered again... I am not even sure if I can allow another person that deep inside my "self" again…so I know the "R" word isn’t in the cards for me right now …and playing my part was fun for a while, but, pimping ain’t easy! I am getting bored with satisfying others and not being satisfied myself…I enjoy the high of being the “reality based fantasy” but not the disappointment of not getting my own fantasy fulfilled…so instead of wasting the GOODENess…I decided (a while ago) to keep it to myself…well me, myself, and my BULLET! I know this may be a shock to some…but it’s true…when I say things out loud, they don’t come to fruition so this was (and still is) a private choice that will remain so…I am not claiming to be abstinent, celibate, or anything else…I am just gonna play sex on the low…if I devote too much energy to embracing it or ignoring it, I will lose focus on what I need to me working on…and that is figuring out what the hell I want for myself…my plan is to be on “vacation” from the act until I can be clear about what I want from the connection…I’ve been told that it’s not fair to let someone bask in the sunshine, make it rain, and then cause a drought…but oh well…my choice is a genuine one…which is why this is probably the ONLY post of this nature I will write…I don’t think the world needs to know what’s going on in my “drawls”, whether it’s something or nothing…but my girl's opst inspired me to speak on it...well type on it, lol…I’m a very sexual woman so this has been a challenge…but I have been “sober” for a little while… it only takes 21 days to start/stop a habit…and I am way past that mark…LOL…I am still the shit talking, energized, deep thinking, music loving, spirit driven, poetic freak that I have always been…which is the beauty of the privacy of my choice…just wanted to share with the "group"...as always…BE GOOD or BE GOOD AT IT…and speak easy!

INK...drawn 3.28.08

Got ink?
Those silent statements that make men think...
Each one a short story for those curious enough to ask "What's that and why?"...
To that inquiry, this piece serves as my standard reply...
Gye Nyame behind my right ear...
To remind mankind,
its only God that I fear...
An 8 inch Dragon in all Black, Black...
Behind my right shoulder,
he can always watch my back...
Enflamed Superman "S" behind me at back's base...
A gift for a lover that cannot be erased...
Super also epitomizes my strength...
Flames in sync with kryptonite's wavelength...
A single star on my butt cheek for no reason at all...
It covers my birthmark cuz I was born a star ya'll...
A testiment to music and our deep relationship...
Luvanmusiq is the symbol that graces my left hip...
The triple spiral, a Celtic symbol for womanhood's stages, so blessed...
Has been painted on the left to the left of my right breast...
Get right or get left!
Below that on the right side ribs dwells an Angel...
She's very special to me, although her existence is painful...
Left ankle holds a butterfly, a living tribute to my parent paternal...
In unique circumstance, gave this man a second chance, from it grew a bond eternal...
Another piece on my left foot to cover a scar...
What better way to do that than the Dallas Cowboy's star...
Right across on the right lives a Red Phoenix on my wrong foot...
I be, like she, emerging from rubble and soot...
Created when engulfed in flame...
Not to die, but to be born again...
Still I rise, stronger and more learned then before...
To fly on wings of life lessons and on successes I soar...
Too beautiful to ignore...
Each time needle meets flesh...
The reasons manifest...
Images chosen with meanings of depth...
Pictures with the power of speech like the hieroglyphs of Hotep...
A walking canvas of permanent expressions...
Of wisdom gained through learning life lessons...
Never to be forgotten, still worn when completely unclothed...
Adorned by ink that alludes to stories untold...

© GOODENess 2008

ABCDE's E-eff-GEEEEEE!!!

Friday, April 18, 2008 was the 10th anniversary of my “girlfriend” Chris’ 18th birthday (that’s 28 for you slow folks)…in recognition of this magnanimous event, we decided to road trip to Houston for “Tattoos, Tequila, and Table Dances”. After a few months of careful tattoo selection, we loaded up 2 vehicles and rolled out! The folks that rolled were: (in almost completely random order)

CHRIS (the birthday girl)…

XZAN (the birthday girl’s best friend)

DEPHANIE (the birthday girl’s co-worker)…

DEE (the birthday girl’s best friend’s cousin)…

ANDREA (the birthday girl’s best friend’s homegirl)…

ME (the birthday girl’s OTHER best friend)…

Our weekend went as follows…
FRIDAY we got tattoos @ the world famous Dago’s…That night, we went to a club called The Office…SATURDAY we tried to single handedly stimulate the economy at the outlet mall! That evening we participated in Chris’ favorite game…BILLIARDS…

we went to Dave & Buster’s, cozied up to the bar-TENDER, John,

and shot a few games of pool…She’s gonna be a shark when she grows up!

SUNDAY we went the Fountain of Praise to celebrate our God and all the wonderful things he’s done for us! We also took a pledge to speak (be) positive for the next 21 days, because it takes 21 days to start/break a habit. That evening, we did one of MY favorite things to do…SPIT! We went to the Shadow Bar for some spoken word…ABCDE (Chris’ spit alias) was supposed to get on the MIC, but forgot her paper and didn’t want to hit the stage “naked”…I, of course, got on the performance phallus, because I hadn’t spit in a month and need the release! Then we hit Scott Gertner’s Sports Bar but it was so packed we couldn’t stay…so we hit the Dave & Buster’s across the parking lot for MORE DRANKS and POOL! Well, maybe more DRANKS than POOL...LOL


MONDAY we headed back to the “D”…we made one last pit stop at Dago’s on the way out so I could get my tongue pierced…and then we hit the road…

I had a GREAT time…I can’t wait for someone else’s birthday!!!

inspired at an artshow...

I was at an artshow...
Standing in a room filled with tat'd ankles...
Wooden bangles...
Locs and braids w/ acute and right angles...
Body art expressing African sentiment...
Kinky hair...sprouts from deep mind w/ cool temperment...
I'm inspired...
Creativity's fruit strewn about the space...
Soul's art embodying inspiration from every place...
Voyers absorb...the disrobed psyche...
Feeling works from folks just like me...
Then it was my turn to share...
Live words spoken chosen on purpose w/ care...
Exposing my most naked thoughts...
Unfiltered mind water drips from lips...
Hands cupped to receive it...
Believe it and sip...
Savoring the concepts and drinking...AMAZING...
Digestion subconsciously thinking...the SAME THING...
Enjoying a soul-filled fantasy that's reality based...
Knowledge has a flavor that's an acquired taste...
Semisweet and honey baked...
In the glow from the smile on my face...
Exploring kinship with those who own their power with grace...
I am my brother's keeper...
Life sowing, love reeper...
Embracing the Sun people...
Posessing talent and potential unequalled...
Awe stricken at the medium's expression...
Skills and techniques innate to profession...
I'm inspired...

© GOODENess 2008

Black History Month????

Contagious NIGGA syndrome..
Take some antibiotics...
That ish is psychotic...
Sweet tooth looking for that water for chocolate...
What message are we sending to our sons and daughters?
Feeding them garbage, misdirecting and leading them to slaughter...
It should end with you but this behavior is the start of...
The vicious cycle...
Believing views that are skewed like Jesse Jackson...
Taking action...
Without all the facts and...
Making crude moves...
When you lose your cool...
Not realizing your aptitude...
With a fucked up attitude...
I think it's pitiful...
NIGGA shit makes a fool of you!!!
Instead of feeding your seed...
You're waiting on others to lead...
Thant wasn't the "dream"...NIGGA PLEASE!!