Friday, April 25, 2008

kiss IT good-bye! waiting to exhale...I think...


Since April 6, 2007 I have been under the most drastic personal re-construction effort I have ever been thrust into in my life…the transition started February 19, 2007…that is the day that I realized that the love that gave me a glow that everyone could see from miles away, was over…now, that being typed…Let me explain, a little…Ito say I got my “heart broken”…would be putting it lightly…I was physically, mentally, and emotionally (but not spiritually) disrupted…I had to no appetite, I couldn’t sleep, looked a mess, and couldn’t focus for too long on anything…I couldn’t even listen to music…and my real friends know, music makes my heart beat! I didn’t want to be bothered with the details or drama of anything even remotely resembling a relationship (from now on referred to as the “R” word)…There was only one problem…I LOVE SEX! Now I didn’t even start giving my phone number out again until mid July…and I was “back in the saddle” by August…the issue was, I didn’t want the “R” word…I just wanted the “D”…ya dig? I have been pretty much operating that way since then… I have run into issues from the guys I meet trying to lock me down, but I am in no way, shape or form ready for that…it’s crazy I can share my body but not my heart with someone, but it’s true…it wasn't "random" but I wasn't "making love" either...I find power in my sex, in the act of dominating and being dominated, in the fact that no matter what else is going on in the world in that moment…I am all that matters…it’s a RUSH! An ESCAPE! But when I awake from my cum drunk binge of naughty-ness, I am still not satisfied… like country folks say ”same thing make you laugh, make you cry”…and really there hasn’t been any “piece” that I have come across that has been able to quench that thirst in me…not since February…(fist on chin, looking into the sky in "reminisce" mode) he was AWESOME, but the satisfaction was because we had so much more than a physical dynamic to nourish our connection…I am absolutely terrified of opening myself up to the mere possibility of being shattered again... I am not even sure if I can allow another person that deep inside my "self" again…so I know the "R" word isn’t in the cards for me right now …and playing my part was fun for a while, but, pimping ain’t easy! I am getting bored with satisfying others and not being satisfied myself…I enjoy the high of being the “reality based fantasy” but not the disappointment of not getting my own fantasy fulfilled…so instead of wasting the GOODENess…I decided (a while ago) to keep it to myself…well me, myself, and my BULLET! I know this may be a shock to some…but it’s true…when I say things out loud, they don’t come to fruition so this was (and still is) a private choice that will remain so…I am not claiming to be abstinent, celibate, or anything else…I am just gonna play sex on the low…if I devote too much energy to embracing it or ignoring it, I will lose focus on what I need to me working on…and that is figuring out what the hell I want for myself…my plan is to be on “vacation” from the act until I can be clear about what I want from the connection…I’ve been told that it’s not fair to let someone bask in the sunshine, make it rain, and then cause a drought…but oh well…my choice is a genuine one…which is why this is probably the ONLY post of this nature I will write…I don’t think the world needs to know what’s going on in my “drawls”, whether it’s something or nothing…but my girl's opst inspired me to speak on it...well type on it, lol…I’m a very sexual woman so this has been a challenge…but I have been “sober” for a little while… it only takes 21 days to start/stop a habit…and I am way past that mark…LOL…I am still the shit talking, energized, deep thinking, music loving, spirit driven, poetic freak that I have always been…which is the beauty of the privacy of my choice…just wanted to share with the "group"...as always…BE GOOD or BE GOOD AT IT…and speak easy!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

INK...drawn 3.28.08


Got ink?
Those silent statements that make men think...
Each one a short story for those curious enough to ask "What's that and why?"...
To that inquiry, this piece serves as my standard reply...
Gye Nyame behind my right ear...
To remind mankind,
its only God that I fear...
An 8 inch Dragon in all Black, Black...
Behind my right shoulder,
he can always watch my back...
Enflamed Superman "S" behind me at back's base...
A gift for a lover that cannot be erased...
Super also epitomizes my strength...
Flames in sync with kryptonite's wavelength...
A single star on my butt cheek for no reason at all...
It covers my birthmark cuz I was born a star ya'll...
A testiment to music and our deep relationship...
Luvanmusiq is the symbol that graces my left hip...
The triple spiral, a Celtic symbol for womanhood's stages, so blessed...
Has been painted on the left to the left of my right breast...
Get right or get left!
Below that on the right side ribs dwells an Angel...
She's very special to me, although her existence is painful...
Left ankle holds a butterfly, a living tribute to my parent paternal...
In unique circumstance, gave this man a second chance, from it grew a bond eternal...
Another piece on my left foot to cover a scar...
What better way to do that than the Dallas Cowboy's star...
Right across on the right lives a Red Phoenix on my wrong foot...
I be, like she, emerging from rubble and soot...
Created when engulfed in flame...
Not to die, but to be born again...
Still I rise, stronger and more learned then before...
To fly on wings of life lessons and on successes I soar...
Too beautiful to ignore...
Each time needle meets flesh...
The reasons manifest...
Images chosen with meanings of depth...
Pictures with the power of speech like the hieroglyphs of Hotep...
A walking canvas of permanent expressions...
Of wisdom gained through learning life lessons...
Never to be forgotten, still worn when completely unclothed...
Adorned by ink that alludes to stories untold...

© GOODENess 2008

ABCDE's E-eff-GEEEEEE!!!


Friday, April 18, 2008 was the 10th anniversary of my “girlfriend” Chris’ 18th birthday (that’s 28 for you slow folks)…in recognition of this magnanimous event, we decided to road trip to Houston for “Tattoos, Tequila, and Table Dances”. After a few months of careful tattoo selection, we loaded up 2 vehicles and rolled out! The folks that rolled were: (in almost completely random order)

CHRIS (the birthday girl)…
chris
XZAN (the birthday girl’s best friend)
xzan
DEPHANIE (the birthday girl’s co-worker)…
deph
DEE (the birthday girl’s best friend’s cousin)…
dee
ANDREA (the birthday girl’s best friend’s homegirl)…
drea
ME (the birthday girl’s OTHER best friend)…
me
Our weekend went as follows…
FRIDAY we got tattoos @ the world famous Dago’s…That night, we went to a club called The Office…SATURDAY we tried to single handedly stimulate the economy at the outlet mall! That evening we participated in Chris’ favorite game…BILLIARDS…
fools
we went to Dave & Buster’s, cozied up to the bar-TENDER, John,
bartender2
and shot a few games of pool…She’s gonna be a shark when she grows up!
pool
SUNDAY we went the Fountain of Praise to celebrate our God and all the wonderful things he’s done for us! We also took a pledge to speak (be) positive for the next 21 days, because it takes 21 days to start/break a habit. That evening, we did one of MY favorite things to do…SPIT! We went to the Shadow Bar for some spoken word…ABCDE (Chris’ spit alias) was supposed to get on the MIC, but forgot her paper and didn’t want to hit the stage “naked”…I, of course, got on the performance phallus, because I hadn’t spit in a month and need the release! Then we hit Scott Gertner’s Sports Bar but it was so packed we couldn’t stay…so we hit the Dave & Buster’s across the parking lot for MORE DRANKS and POOL! Well, maybe more DRANKS than POOL...LOL
drank3 drank2 drank1

MONDAY we headed back to the “D”…we made one last pit stop at Dago’s on the way out so I could get my tongue pierced…and then we hit the road…

I had a GREAT time…I can’t wait for someone else’s birthday!!!

Friday, April 11, 2008

inspired at an artshow...



I was at an artshow...
Standing in a room filled with tat'd ankles...
Wooden bangles...
Locs and braids w/ acute and right angles...
Body art expressing African sentiment...
Kinky hair...sprouts from deep mind w/ cool temperment...
I'm inspired...
Creativity's fruit strewn about the space...
Soul's art embodying inspiration from every place...
Voyers absorb...the disrobed psyche...
Feeling works from folks just like me...
Then it was my turn to share...
Live words spoken chosen on purpose w/ care...
Exposing my most naked thoughts...
Unfiltered mind water drips from lips...
Hands cupped to receive it...
Believe it and sip...
Savoring the concepts and drinking...AMAZING...
Digestion subconsciously thinking...the SAME THING...
Enjoying a soul-filled fantasy that's reality based...
Knowledge has a flavor that's an acquired taste...
Semisweet and honey baked...
In the glow from the smile on my face...
Exploring kinship with those who own their power with grace...
I am my brother's keeper...
Life sowing, love reeper...
Embracing the Sun people...
Posessing talent and potential unequalled...
Awe stricken at the medium's expression...
Skills and techniques innate to profession...
I'm inspired...

© GOODENess 2008