Wednesday, July 9, 2008

It's hard out here for a MYLF...



I have a friend that is married and getting ready to have a baby…he is geeking about becoming a father and asked me some “kwerstchuns” about parenthood and junk, because he values my opinion…(what?? Don’t look at the screen like that!! I’m smart and insightful and shit! LOL) He suggested I post the answers…and since I do as I am told (when I want to)…here are two of them…


HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE “PARENTHOOD”?
I would describe parenthood as…the process of teaching your child(ren) the things you know to be true…the lessons you have learned the hard way…and giving them the tools to make productive, effective, positive decisions for themselves…it’s a PROCESS for sure…there is not a wrong or right way to do it…and we are all different…Like Chris Rock said…as a daddy, your only job is to keep your daughter off the pole! Lol… I talk to my son like a little person… he has good reasoning and deduction skills because of it…BUT…that isn’t always a good thing for a 4 year old to have…he is very smart!! his 14 year old cousin told me that he makes her feel stupid…lol… and then…you have the times when your influence, comes back to bite you in the arse…last night he made me want to jump off the balcony…

(back story) for the last 6 months or so, the co-parent has lived around the corner from us, but isn’t nearly as active as a father should be…especially since our son is AWESOME…you’d think he’d be excited to play daddy…but he’s not…anyway…the genius is going back overseas to work…indefinitely…he worked overseas until Aug07 so my son hasn’t always had his daddy in his life…but I had been in a deeply committed relationship since Clarence was a year old (until April ‘07) so he had a great, consistent male influence…wait...I am all over the place…let me focus…my son thinks rationally…too rationally… last night my (beautiful) son asked me…”mom, since daddy is going over the seas, and (insert past love’s name here) isn’t our friend anymore, does that mean that I don’t have no daddies at all?” WTF??? I cried…a hard, gut shuddering cry…this is an example of the gift and the curse that is parenthood… you teach them well…and your sensitive areas are revealed by the simplest questions… and it re-opens shit you thought you had handled…like the fact that my son doesn’t have a man…an needs one more than I do…

If you are active in your children’s lives, you are so special….male presence in the family makes me smile… because I know what the absence of it can lead to…

WHAT SACRIFICES HAVE YOU MADE?
I can’t say that sacrifice is the right word to use…I don’t feel like I have given up anything to be a mother… I love this job! I can’t come and go as I please…and my money doesn’t go as far as it would if I were “single” (meaning no child) but it doesn’t bother me in the least…it’s a part of responsible parenthood… I think it would hamper more selfish people though…to be honest…but it’s a trade that is immeasureable in worth… but I will say this…BALANCE IS PARAMOUNT!! There are myths about not being able to live your same pre-child life plans, but you can…it just takes more effort…I got pregnant in college and was a triple major (finance, accounting and entrepreneurship) but I had to drop two of them…then I got divorced and had to rebuild my life…so I stopped school, moved back to Dallas (I was in Houston) and got a job and a place…I had never lived by myself…or worked to live before… and I waited until Clarence was 2 before I went back to school…I finished my undergrad in September of last year on my son’s 4th birthday…and it was a celebration for us both! It was even sweeter to me that he was there for the whole thing, because I showed him that you can do whatever you set your mind to…regardless of what life has in store for you…rain makes rainbows…and I dance in the rain…so anything that I changed or remixed due to the fact that I am a mother…a single mother…was well worth it… I also keep my “dating” life separate from my “mommy” life…but that is understood…it’s complicated sometimes, because my son is such a big part of me that keeping my suitors at bay where my son is concerned is challenging…but he has only been around one man (other than his dad) and when he and I split…I saw my son’s heart break because my heart was broken and I will NEVER put him through that again…he wanted to “bite” him in the face and tell him “not to EVER make his mommy cry again”…and that tore me up…I am not single because of my son, by a long shot…but I am conscious of the fact that the man in my life, will ultimately be the man in his…and I haven’t met anyone worth bestowing that title upon…yet…

4 comments:

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

they looking good sister

Thic Flair said...

*right click, save as*

I need to print this out for WHEN/IF I am on that trail. GOODENstuff!

chocolatedrop said...

"but isn’t nearly as active as a father should be…especially since our son is AWESOME…you’d think he’d be excited to play daddy…but he’s not"

I don't like to make excuses for men of this nature, but, I will say the fact that your son is AWESOME and the father has little to no excitement to play daddy tells me a lot about the GOODENess of your Mommy Skills....


"your sensitive areas are revealed by the simplest questions…"

This is so true. I've learned complicated situations bring forth simple questions that are the toughest to answer. What's worse is these complicated situations are most often unavoidable.

I'm sad that your son's question hurt you the way it did.

Since I am not a mother you've just given me what I shall refer to as second hand smoke in life's experiences. Thank you.
Listen hard.....

GOODENess said...

@ Torrance... thank suga... he's getting better at sitting still for for me to do his "twisters" these days...lol

@THIC...(love the name) feel free to do so...I'm honored for the consideration

@ChocolateDrop...I appreciate the mommy-love..."second hand smoke" indeed...the things that are so easy they are hard, things that make you say hmmmm?