Thursday, August 7, 2008

did you know? (quarterly rant...)


Ok…I know I am busy…and that makes it hard to “date” and sh*t…but when I am approached by someone I find attractive and engaging…I make an honest effort to connect. When I type “connect” that is not code for “f*ck”. It means I want to get together in a well-lit, public place and have a face to face, get to know you better vibe session to decide if my initial assessment of your bang-ability was correct…I have been wrong on this sh*t before people so I am not wasting anymore time on the “bait and switch” bullsh*t that is taking over the single free world… so…since I am a civic minded individual, here are two things that I have realized are NOT common knowledge that irritate the F*CK out of me:

1. DICK PICS – at this point we have already exchanged contact information and have spoken at least once. I am a visual woman, so I usually ask for a picture for my photo ID after I have decided that you are worth actually saving in my phone. A word to the wise, if/when I ask for this picture…DO NOT send me a picture of your “meat puppet”! You may not be “working with” what you think you are and will not only get clowned for being so presumptuous, but relegated to the DNA (do not answer) section of the phone with your “love muscle” as your photo id picture…and I will show all my girls too, if it’s really a fool mess that you should have kept to yourself...even if it’s a really mouth-wateringly good looking piece, I am forced to DNA you on GP…but I will pause for the cause (read: close my eyes, bite my bottom lip and fantasize about riding you into the sunset) before I do…moral of the story…(unsolicited) dick pics are a deal breaker…

2. SCHEDULING - if you had the good sense to avoid the DICK PIC pothole and we make plans…you are officially on the calendar…that means I won’t schedule your designated time slot with anyone else! So honor our appointment! I am a busy sister with lots of sh*t to do! I hate when dudes realize (and witness) what my life is like and then try to pull these last minute “come see me, baby” type joints! First of all…I am NOT coming to see YOU…we both know what that means…and accidentally f*cking dudes under the thinly veiled excuse of “kicking it at the crib” has landed me a stalker or two, so I’m over it! Not to mention what MAN would ask a WOMAN to drive across town (at night or at all) to come see him? I mean you won’t get to know where I live until like date #3 (or #8) but don’t even ask me to your place off top…Even if gas wasn’t higher than my credit score, I can chill at my own damn place! Ni99a!! so you need to take a b*tch somewhere…well not really “take” but meet me there and pay for my food and sh*t..LOL (I use b*tch in jest…if you don’t like it…stop reading my sh*t)

Bottom line…if you are just trying to f*ck…say so…you might be surprised…but don’t play like you give a sh*t about anything other that finding out how I got my screen name (I didn’t name myself, you know?) Just be honest…like I said, I got sh*t to do!

This concludes the “shit I wish ni99as knew” rant for the quarter…thank you for coming out, God bless you, goodnight!

7 comments:

shelia said...

I don't know what's up with these guys who think because you exchange numbers its an open invitation to the goodies. It's hard being a single woman these days.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

gotta have the dick pic huh lol

Luvvie a.k.a. Queen IG said...

LOL u already know how I feel bout my time. But yeah the peen pic is not whats hot on the streets. I'm a LADY and my sensibilities would be offended.

NaturallyAlise said...

I abhor the dick pic, and the guys who send it are often the ones that come off as sensitive, intelligent, & sane .... when they really are wireless flashers...

"and accidentally f*cking dudes under the thinly veiled excuse of “kicking it at the crib” has landed me a stalker or two"

- also if that ain't the truth I don't know what is!

suga said...

Oh gawd this was hilarious and oh so true. Hell, even if I dont have sh@t to do, dont waste my time by not keeping our appt. I wish I could be like the dr.'s office and charge a fee for all missed appts.

Also, this "why dont you come over and kick it" sh!t is for the birds..i mean the hoodrats. Any grown ass woman who is up for that is just begging for a new baby in her life lol

Sasha Two Pistols said...

The "dick pic" is definitely OUT OF ORDER in my opinion. My cousing was introduced to this preacher from out of state one time, emphasis on PREACHER and they exchanged numbers. Well then he, about a few days later, decided to send her said pic and I was like are you kidding me?

I mean not only is this just unacceptable for any guy to do, unless its your boo, but a preacher? He should know better. Needless to say, she didn't talk to him anymore. I need him to repent for that mess!

Sisanda said...

the dic pic ish was hilarious, are there guys who actually do this? get outta here!! hey different strokes for different fokes people...talking bout the pics that is.