Wednesday, May 21, 2008

ahaaa hush that fuss...everybody move to the back of the bus!!

As you can tell from my “Mother’s Day 2.0” post…gas in TX is definitely as “high as giraffe cat”… I drive an Explorer XLT aka “SUPERFORD” and I LOVE my truck and I don’t want to trade it for something less petro-heavy…but it costs 76 bux to fill her fly ass up! So, as a result of my efforts to find more cost effective ways to avoid getting a second job (or a sugar daddy) to pay for gas, I am parking and riding now...that is I am parking my truck at a transit center and riding the DART (Dallas Area Rapid Transit) to the farm...(flipping through the classifieds for part time dominatrix positions)
I have not ridden a bus in over 14 years and I was eerily geeked about it…(like in a freshman on the first day of high school kind of way…) I went online to find out what buses/trains I need to take to get from pre-school to the plantation before “massuh” started her thinly veiled “desk checks” under the guise of “Good Morning”! Train leaves at 6:56am…OMG! I do NOT do mornings…so…

I carefully planned my travel friendly outfit and made sure my “work purse” was packed the night before...I woke up at 5, re-showered (yes I said re-showered) and got ready…woke the legacy up at 530 and left the house at 610… tried to stop to get the boy some donut holes, but the bootleg donut place we frequent wasn’t open yet…WTF? I thought donut places opened at like 5…but I digress…stopped at the gas station and got his a honey bun instead (we gotta improvise sometimes) and still got him to school at 637 and got the Ledbetter station in enough time to park, grabbed me a Quick newspaper, stand in line to buy a ticket, and ask the regulars which ticket to buy…lol…I felt like Mary Tyler Moore…I wanted to take off my hat and throw it in the air… “I’m going to make it after all!” it was so easy…it really was like the first day of high school! I befriended a nice group of smoking white ladies who admired my neck-too (the cool seniors)…I asked where I was supposed to go to catch the 183 (like trying to find homeroom)…there were poles with the bus numbers on them, so it was easy when I looked…an as soon as the train let us off…the bus was right there and pulled out as soon as we got on! the “express” was packed, men were giving up their seats for women…I was so proud of them…and there were minimal “crazy folks”… I guess they aren’t up that early…I don’t really have to walk very far, so I can wear heels on occasion and still be comfy! the only things I have to have to continue my public transportation adventure is some kind of music player and a bus pass because $3 a day for a day-pass is defeating the purpose of the financial conservation experiment…I also decided I will be dressing a little more like my regular (when not at work) self because I will be crossing paths with more people and there were so many nice looking employed people trying to save gas money too…I want to blend in…lol…I have also noticed I am in a better mood today…the commute must have been a contributing factor to my mood…YEAH ME! I deserve a gold star by my name! I think I will buy some with all the money I am saving by riding public transportation (and switching to GEICO)!

As always…be GOOD or be GOOD at it…speak easy!

(this message was brought to you by our favorite corporate sponsor… Photobucket please enjoy responsibly…don’t drink and drive! Drink and ride the bus!!)

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Mother's Day 2.0

Times are changing…in this age of instant gratification, internet everything, and life moving at the speed of John McCain’s Viagra supply…It’s hard to hold on to the little things that make life sweet…like Mother’s Day! Gone are the days of a macaroni necklace, a construction paper card and runny ass pancakes and eggs masquerading as breakfast in bed…oh no…now these millennium moms want Blackberries, spa days, and new cars for crying out loud…I remember when the memory of a few flowers from the neighbor’s yard in your favorite My Little Pony collectible glass would get you out of a well deserved “ass whoopin” well into June…the good ole days of inedible homemade heart shaped cookies that she would pretend were delicious until you turned your back so she could spit them into her napkin are dead and gone people! The saddest part of this travesty of tradition is, I am one of these moms… my son is only 4.5 years old so I fully intend to not only wear my MACARONI NECKLACE with pride…but create a color coded outfit to showcase my hand crafted aldente accessory…but for the grown ups that are sweet enough to call and ask “(insert government name here), what do you want for Mothers’s Day?” I am thoughtful enough to reply with the most useful, honest, and tradition-less response I can muster…”a gas card”…plain and simple…I drive an Explorer XLT, people…”back in the day” when gas was a meesly 2.5 bux, it cost fiddy bones to put the “super” Ford on “F”! now? PUSHWATER is running at a staggering 3.53 per gallon! That’s higher than my credit score! So if you are reading this…and you aren’t quite sure what to get your maternal unit for Mother’s Day, Baby Mama Day (also celebrated on April Fool’s), or whatever kind of matriarchial mayhem you celebrate in your household …before you break out your safety scissors, spray glitter, and pipe cleaners…think about these two words …GAS (muhfuggin) CARD…trust me, she will like that much better than that slicing, dicing, peeling wheeling, thingamabob you were going to order from the infomercial…I mean, does your mom even COOK anymore?? Seriously?… (releasing a sigh of relief) I am SO glad I got that off my chest…

This concludes today’s public service announcement brought to you by your local BMA (Broke Moms Anonymous) chapter… where our motto is,
“we may not have the dough…but our kids will never know”…
you may now return to your regularly scheduled program, already in progress…

SERIOUSLY, what are you YOUR Mother’s Day Plans?