Tuesday, January 6, 2009
CONDOMS ARE CHEAPER THAN CHILD SUPPORT...
(Animal Planet theme song playing in the backround…insert Crocodile Hunter impression)
I'm sitting here, in what can only be described as a wildlife reservation for the natural habitat of the hoodus rattus maximus known to the world as the elusive (yet common) "baby mama"...people of the blogosphere, I am losing brain cells as I sit quietly in the waiting room of the Attorney General's Office, Child Support Division...
Ok, for real…I detest the term "baby mama" (and it's masculine counterpart "baby daddy") I prefer the term "co-parent", "child's mo/father" or you could even call the other person by their name... but (Katt Williams impression) this shit right here ni99a!! A FUGGIN FOOL! I hate that I walked in here and witnessed every “baby mama” stereotype on the planet! I see quick weaves that span the entire color spectrum, neck tattoos that spell out the ni99a's name they're in here to "put on papers" in the first place, grills, and more name brands than I even knew existed! and I am forced to ask myself, how the hell does one drive an Escalade on 22s with “bad bitch” in the paint job to the child support office, park it in a handicap spot, and then say they need financial assistance?? I am ear hustling in on the tales of "ni99as-aint-shit"-dom with each other (similar to that of trap stories of new inmates trying to earn street cred) and I am amazed at what these chicks have put up with to prove that they are "ride or die" for these WACK-tacular ass knee grows and I say HELL NAH.. I will ride, but I ain't dying! yeah I know I been watching too much "Oz"... but I am in hoodrat hell!
On top of all that, there is apparently a 3 (and a possible) minimum child requirement to be taken seriously up in here...I guess simple math dictates that the single mom w/ one child (and one co-parent) doesn’t have to be helped as quickly as a single mom with multiple prophylactic absent results...I call BULLSH!T! The income/family size grid says I have to make 27k a year OR have more kids to be expedited...f*ck both of those options!! Multi-moms have less personal time, more people to take care of, and arguably less sanity...and I ain’t gonna take a pay cut or explore superfluous reproduction just to get the “nice folks” at the Office of the Attorney General to do their job!
***interrupted mid-mental monologue by a fight between 2 women who were trying to put the same man on support and didn’t know it…did I mention that their kids were 3 weeks apart?***
After security cleared the disruption, I had the (dis)pleasure of filling out the application for child support… it was as thick as the Old Testament filled with phrases like “alleged father”. I mean really, Maury??? There were questions that asked about “distinguishing marks, scars, or tattoos on the alleged father”, “if the alleged father had admitted paternity to anyone else, if so, to who?”, and even asked “Why do you think this is the father of your child(ren)?” ummm… perhaps cuz we was fuggin was the answer I wanted to give, but resisted my inner asshole and colored within the lines like a good girl!
(shrugging)Eh well… eFolks the moral of the story is…be careful who you reproduce with… CONDOMS ARE CHEAPER THAN CHILD SUPPORT!!!