the very first time...

Last night I did an open mic… It was a family friendly event, so I took my big boy with me…he was SO excited…I never realized that he didn’t know I spit…but when the EmCee called “GOODENess” to the stage and everybody started clapping (this is one of my more regular spots) his little eyes lit up… he stood up in his chair and was clapping too! He made me SO nervous! Lol… when I got crowd luv during my time, he said “go mommy!”… then when I got back to my seat, he ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug…and said he was “proud” of me… and I did an “awesome” job… it’s funny because that’s how I talk to him… and it made me feel really good to hear… I guess that’s how he feels when it comes from me…everybody was commenting on what a good by he was and how much they enjoyed his mommy's work, he really enjoyed the positive attention... last night was the very first time, my son saw his mommy share her art... It made my soul smile... I am still beaming now...just had to share... spek easy!

LUVANMUSIC

I AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC! Of all the blessings that God gave us to feed our earthbound spirits, MUSIC is my favorite… it’s the most universal, simple form of expression on this planet! Honestly, the word LOVE isn’t big enough…MUSIC is my HEARTBEART! I tell everyone, “Life has a soundtrack!” I listen to everything from blue grass to sohk…reggae to jazz…country to calypso…soul…gospel…pop…alternative…but of everything I expose myself (and my son) to, hip hop is my most favorite love child!

I have had a crush on music all of my life…but I can remember the exact day I, excuse the cliché, “Fell in love with hip hop”…Wednesday, May 10, 1995 (DAMN this date is significant as hell, twilight zone music), I remember because my daddy moved back to Texas Mother's Day 1995, but that has nothing to do with this post other than giving me a benchmark to remember me and my true love's anniversary, so I digress, excuse my tangent...It was a hot summer day in Dallas, TX, the school year was almost over and I was on the late school bus (after cheer practice)… This senior I had been crushing on, Michael Cameron (hmmm…there is an intimate coincidence in the name “Michael” or MIC and its role in my actual “love” life, but that won’t ever make it to a blog, so back on task)…where was I, oh yeah…Michael was on the bus that day…and I was glad to see that the ONLY open seat was next to him (swoon)…we were cool (most of my crushes think I am MAD COOL, but don’t ever pursue “The COOL”, ya dig?) and he was bobbing his head to the beat coming from his earplugs…he saw me watching him, smiled, and offered me one of his earphones…we sat hugged up in that seat, bobbing to the beat, smiling at the clever word play and images in our mental videos…THAT IS WHEN IT HAPPENED…

Just think, what if you could just, just blink yourself away?
Just think, what if you could just, just blink yourself away?
Jeff X can rock the MIC with tooth decay
I be the 5 foot 7, residing at the Mecca lesson south section
Used to cut class in the infinite pursuit of ass
Back in eighty-six!

I was enamored with the voice, the language, the delivery, the imagery, and the cool cadence of what I was hearing…”Proceed” by The Roots, is the note that hip hop sent me in class that asked… “Do you like me? circle YES or NO”…and thus the CRUSH GROOVE began…

I met another lover in SPOKEN WORD in 2000, Hip Hop’s twin brother… I began to “spit” my thoughts on MICs across MIC city...WORD was DOPE and we are still together going stronger than ever…building a kingdom of better…FINDING FOREVER!

In 2004, I was given my own personal MIC…an experience that enhanced everything I already held in my soul for my mate…helped my rhythmic adoration grow in leaps and bounds, clicks and sounds, and showed me an appreciation for the creation and production of the music behind my love… which open doors to DONUT shops and showed me my LITTLE BROTHER the 9th WONDER of the world…

Over the years, my affection for all creative expressions of a soul’s art has grown exponentially… I didn’t think I could ever feel this kind of euphoria from an inanimate concept…but MUSIC does it for me…it makes me happy when I’m sad…sad when I’m happy…it makes me thoughtful…grateful…it inspires me…makes me remember things I wish so desperately to forget…desire things I have yet to completely embrace…and every thing in between…

What makes YOU give up your ?love and allow you to exhale?

Father's Day 2008

(unfortunately I don’t have ANY pics of this event! drunk, much?)

I am an advocate for the school of thought that believes that tradition in an impediment to innovation! That being typed…guess how the GOODENs rung in Father’s Day? We (my sisters Remica, 34 and Tiffany, 27 and I, 28) subconsciously divided the day into 3 phases, and each of us was over one phase…Remi was over the day activity, Tiff was over the meal selection of the day, and yours truly was in charge of evening entertainment…I decided that our handsome, loving father should stimulate his “lust” life…Remica took him to the mall and bought him an outfit… Tiff embraced Daddy’s love Asian ish so we went to a Chinese buffet for LUNNER (lunch+dinner)…and then we dropped him off at home with instructions to be shit-ed, showered, shaved, dressed (in his new outfit) and ready to G-O by 9.30pm!

“Where are ya’ll taking the old man?” he asked pensively, knowing that his most extroverted daughter (ME) was the ring leader of the evening Father’s Day activities…

(evil laugh) “just get dressed and start making our pre-evening cocktails please knee grow?”… (yeah, my Daddy is my ni99a…it’s normal for us)

We head to my place and get all GOODENed up…we decided at the last minute to all wear little black dresses, to match Daddy…but they didn’t pack any…problem solved…I am a clothes elephant (passed ”horse” years ago) I had like 10 LBDs in my closet (2 with price tags still hanging) so we got our Destiny’s Child on…you know…the same but different…lol…all stunning, but of course there was an obvious stand out… (blushing)

We scoop the old man…DRINK…and go to Walmart to debit over for the cash for our evening…Daddy walked off and we had to hunt him down, macking on some young tender in the produce section… now that I type that…I understand why people were staring…we were all dressed alike (short dresses, tall heels) calling a middle aged man “Daddy”…they must have thought he was out pimp! hilarious! But I digress… we got to our destination…STONE TRAIL…(shout outs to Don Diego and the Razz Band!) yes people…for Father’s Day 2008, the Gooden family took our proud poppa to the CLUB!

It was SO FUN! We danced to almost every song…My Daddy was getting his mack on…and the guys were asking him if they could dance with us, as if he really was our “MAN-ager”…LOL…we hustled a few free drinks for him and ourselves and had a GREAT TIME! We played HOLLA BACK (the phone number game) and HE won! (shrugging) I get it from my Daddy! The most UN-traditional Father’s Day celebration of all time! Well, not for my family…but maybe for the rest of the world…his b-EARTH-day is in 2 weeks…you know what he’s getting? Guess…c’mon…guess…

(drum roll please)

WE are getting dear old dad a tattoo for his 51rst Biological New Year!

What did you do for Father’s Day 2008?

How will YOU being today?

A friend of mine wrote a post about the “End of Days”…initially it made me sad…it's premise was thought provoking in and of itself… but being the introspective soul that I am…I asked myself…”self, what are you waiting for?” The post made me think of the opportunities that I’ve squandered, overlooked, or didn’t pursue in my life. I have personal and professional life goals and specific plans of action to achieve those goals…but somewhere along the way, I got sidetracked, setback, distracted by a shiny object, whatever you want to call it… My dear friend’s post led me to evaluate my life…it’s circumstance…it’s joy…it’s triumph…and it’s apathy…I am not content in my current life state…and have fallen victim to the inactivity that the fatigue of survival often brings…and when I attempt to ameliorate my discontent, I feel like a 500 pound person at the gym…I just don’t know where to start…SO…the cycle continues…NOT TODAY!!!

I got so buried in bills and bullshit that I loosened my mind’s grip on my life plans in order to hold on to my sanity! I have only been off the path that I laid out for myself by 6 months or so…but that is MORE than enough for me…I have seen those that speak on dreams deferred, drowned in a sea of “maintaining”…I won’t do it! I won’t show that existence to my legacy! I refuse!! I am frustrated and drained by my efforts to break even…the inactivity of my co-parent…the absence of support for my mental/emotional health…the exasperation at my awkward unwillingness to submit myself to another soul on the necessary level to facilitate the growth of something deep enough to provide a relevant, consistent male role model for my little prince…sometimes I feel like I am “groping at smoke for my mind, or the readily dissolving remnants of it” (Jill Scott)…I exhale…regroup…look in the mirror…wipe my frustration's tears and smile…because I know RAIN MAKES RAINBOWS!

When I am gone from this world, I want people to say things about me and my existent that will bring peace and comfort to my son as he mourns my loss…I want him to know that his mom died as she lived... a positive spirit that followed her dreams…achieved her goals…supported the aspirations of her son…genuinely treated people the way she wanted to be treated…learned from her mistakes and was a good, soul-filled, loving woman…I live today, so that my son can be comforted by the honest memory of his mother when my days are done…the good, the bad, and the ugly!

“Every now and then you have to ask yourself, do you really want to win…or just look good losing?” ~ Little Brother!

I being today, looking for a more fulfilling job, investigating the certifications, classes, degrees etc necessary to accomplish my professional life desire a Human Sexuality Professor (Sexologist) and effective Social Activist…How will YOU begin today?