I have been neglecting my blog... and it's cathartic for me to "blog" as it were... someONE happened to me... I wrote this piece in March 2007 and I stumbled across it the same day he re-appeared to me... there is something kismet about that... love is unconditional, trust and respect are not... but like all things of immeasurable, intrinsic & infinite value, ANYTHING can be re-mixed if the formula is right...might even taste better after it marinates...it's more tender...I can still feel how much I meant this shit...internally...

I Don’t Know…
I don’t know how to say this…
There is disillusion in our midst…
My mind is questioning what my heart thought it knew…
And I am in the dark about my future with you…
We don’t connect the way that we used to do…
The beat of our drum is now slow and subdued….
This ain’t no honeymoon…
I don’t know…
Don’t know if our season together is ending…
Don’t know if the love we share is past tense or pending...
Don’t know if you even notice how what we’ve had has changed…
Don’t know if you care of if it’ll ever be the same…
Don’t know if what you told me you want, still is…
Don’t know if your heart is still where you say your “home” is…
Now there is silence where “I Love You” used to be…
The song our souls sang together is slightly off key…
I don’t know what to say other than I am afraid…
That even after all of my investment is paid…
A line has been drawn in the sand for us to cross…
One side is Gaines, one side is loss…
I mean we can wait it out, or do a coin toss…
But something has to be done before the tide comes to wash…
It all away…
Not the same woman today…
She is gone; she has nothing to say…
The talk says… you want to leave the place you are...
The walk says… you won’t leave until you’re a star…
And our convos say you want me to hold on to the bar…
I’m giving all I got, but your love feels so far…
It’s hard…
Trying to play the cards…
Can’t shake the feeling that I have a straight FLUSH…
Giving so much
Of myself, my life, my future, my son...
Believing in my spirit that you are the ONE…
So I wait…
Under duress…
Resentment growing and so is the stress
You can’t be concerned with me, because you’re too focused on you...
Is this déjà vu?
This is the same bullshit my ex husband put me through!
Damn!
Being unhappy in a bond is something I am not willing to do…
I am going to have to let you go...so you can do you...
I will miss you… so will my son… But what am I to do?
I can't do this, to me, or with you,
A&E4U, but... we're through...

© Goodeness 2007