WORLD AIDS DAY 2009

As many of you know, I am one of the Dallas Ambassadors for The Red Pump Project. It's a nationwide initiative to increase HIV/AIDS awareness and education in the demographic that has the distinct dishonor of being the fastest growing HIV/AIDS infected population in the US, brown women ages 18-35.



In honor of World AIDS Day 2009, I would like to emphasize the life long effect that HIV/AIDS has on the entire community. I want to take the World AIDS Day initiative a step further and ask that you (and your loved ones) make a genuine effort to VOLUNTEER in the HIV/AIDS positive communities in your city. VOLUNTEER at an AIDS/HIV nonprofit and put this preventable epidemic into a more realistic perspective. HIV/AIDS not only affects the people that are infected, it touches the lives of the children and families of the Volunteering doesn't necessarily mean visiting a facility, although it would help. You can do something as simple as collect canned goods/toiletries for a shelter, host a fundraiser at your church/job, read books to positive children, donate toys/books to a shelter or hospice , or work a few hours a week in the business/operations offices of an agency that services the HIV/AIDS community. I have taken the liberty to put together a short list of volunteer opportunities in my home town of Dallas, TX:

A Sister's Gift

AIDS Arms Inc.

AIDS Interfaith Network

AIDS Services of Dallas

Resource Center Dallas

Please support Luvvie and Karyn (the founders of the Red Pump Project) by visiting their blogs!

AND GET TESTED!!!!

mama got a new sock!

heeeey ya'll.. I know I suck! It's been over 2 months since I've blogged...and although I still don't have a "job", I WORK....baby! Real life consists of momy-ing, team mommy-ing, MC's 6th b(earth)day, DeSoto Falcons Homecoming, twitter-ing, traveling, blogging for Black Atlas, woman-ing and just general shit and things...oh yeah...did I mention I got a new tattoo!??

YEAH!!



I got a new tattoo from the legendary, artistic genius that is Miya Bailey

For those that know me...you know that all of my body art pieces (this one makes 11)have significant meaning for my life and evolution...I will post a blog explaining each of them real soon, but for now, the focus is my "pretty bird"! it's a phoenix...you know the mythological bird that doesn't die, but bursts into flames and is born again from it's own ashes...THAT'S ME! I have had to start my little life over several times so far and I'm reborn every time bigger and better! My phoenix is a "tangible illustration of my resilient spirit"...say word! I got it on my right foot for several reasons, the biggest being that my foot has suffered the slings and arrows of athlete's foot, an ant attack and a staph infection and has become discolored as a result...it's the only part of my body I'm hyper-sensitive about...so I decorated that muhfugguh!! I got the idea from that episode of The Cosby Show where Cliff and Claire were having a best dressed contest, but Claire hurt her foot...so she decorated the HELL out of her cast, to beat Cliff! Classic ME and shit! lol check it out! please ignore the swelling...I will post new pics when it heals completely!











I freaking LOVE my phoenix and it was well worth the trip to ATL to get it done! What ya'll think??

my son is a STARRUH!

aight ya'll! I let MC (ManCub aka Clarence) take HipHop/Tap classes at his summer camp. There was a boy's class but 2 of the boys punked out and the other one (on the right) got a whoopin right before the recital and didn't feel like doing shit! he even walks completely off stage toward the end! Apparently, MC was allowed to "freestyle" during this routine, so feel free to fast forward to about the 1:25 mark. It was dark in there AND I need a new camera so excuse the sound quality (or lack thereof) and enjoy the show!

I'm so damn DILLA right now!

There is a J-Dilla** tribute type joint going on in the DMV and as ya'll know I am in TEXAS so I can't go...but my girl FUNGKEBLAKCHIK was eSpinning DILLA for the masses of asses that couldn't trade in their ghetto passes to get to the DMV! She linked this song "So Far To Go" (from JayDee's The Shining not Common's Finding Forever) and I won't even front...I cried a little when I heard it! There is something about this song that just moves me to smile a mile wide. Probably, because it reminds me of the MIC that introduced me to DILLA...I love them both...peace ya'll



**If you just asked yourself "Who's J-DILLA?" please click the hyperlinks, read about him...then come back to my blog and enjoy this jam...

He Get It From his MAMA! (father's day?)

First, let me wish a HAPPY FATHER's DAY to every man that takes the time out to provide support & guidance for any child! There is always room for multiple examples of possitive manhood! You are appreciated! It takes a village & shit!

I had to share this with the eFam..cuz you can't make this shit up! I was at HOOTER's w/ my family for Father's Day...drinking, laughing, cussing, ragging on my dad for eyehustling EVERY chick that walked by even though his girlfriend was sitting right next to him...you know, the usual...when I noticed my son, MC (MC = ManCub for all you non-Twitter folks), was being extra quiet whenever out waitress, Lindsay, came around...things that make you say hmmm?

so I asked, "Punkin, what's wrong?"

MC "nothing mommy, I just like looking at the lady"

Lindsay, had been giving MC extra attention because she was impressed with how smart he was & "mature" his ability to order for himself, etc. She was hugging and "loving" on him due to his super cute-ness...



Dinner winds down, MC asks Lindsay to come here cuz he has a present for her...I'm thinking he drew he something with the crayons from the kiddie menu, how sweet right?



NOPE! Look at the paper closely!

My 5 yr old son has just given this woman his name and "number" on a napkin! *DEAD*

Oddly enough, I was massively proud of him...I had just witnessed a major milestone in male development...My son'd first holla! Now, I won't lie...I laughed my ass off! My whole family was CTFU and started singing..."He get it from his mama*!!"

Kids do the darnedest things, no? What are some crazy things the kids in your life have done/said?

*I don't holla at dudes, cuz I'm a laaaaady & shit, but I am a flirt and so is his dad...the boy has holla in his DNA...poor thing...

iWish...

Not quite ready to …
Profess my unconditional love for you…
But I am sure that this is how that sentiment begins…
Wondering if we see the same clouds or feel the same winds…
I feel like I can lay my head on your chest and write lyrics to the beat of your heart…with ease…
And every verse would be…
As if you were speaking through me…
Mouthing the words in tandem…
All doubt is abandoned…
Music made…
The rhythm of his beat in the language of Shannon…

© GOODENess 2009

I NEED A JOB!

Aight so back in September 2008, my contract assignment at the pink ribbon plantation ended and I haven't been able to find employment since then...ok well...wait...cuz typing "find employment" implies that I have been "looking for employment", which I really have not. I have been completely (and almost totally) bullsh!t-ing!

I know, I know...you're thinking "but GOODY, how have you been paying your bills?"

Well dear folks, my answer is simple *insert Pharell impression* I'm a HUSTLER baby! I have several entrepreneurial endeavors that subsidize my unemployment insurance, but that is a whole different post! "I'm not rich, but b!tch I'm barely broke!" *wink*

For a while, I was entertaining relocating to Atlanta, GA so I had stopped job hunting locally because I thought I would be moving soon. After further investigation, I decided to delay my relo until the recession recedes. Which means, I NEED A JOB! I have been home for 8 months and I am going batsh1t crazy up in here! I miss interacting with other adults and have gained a toddler-sized amount of weight! So in an effort to fix my "problem", I'm rocking the P90-X for the office-less spread and I am now ACTIVELY seeking employment.

Are you in the DFW Metroplex? Is your job hiring and paying more than my absolute minimum salary requirement of 37k? Then please scroll down and read my "reh-zoo-may"!
(this is my real resume only the companies have been removed)


SUMMARY: A hard working and effective professional with comprehensive experience in processing, accounting, reporting, database management, payroll, and corporate training. Shows good judgment and illustrates initiative to resolve conflicts and other issues productively. A successful manager with the ability to learn, evaluate and streamline business rules and processes. A team player that works efficiently, supporting various projects with professionalism and attention to detail.

EDUCATION:
University of Phoenix – Dallas Campus
Bachelor of Science, Business Management
Degree Awarded: September 2007


PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE:

(company name removed) Dallas, Texas
Contractor for (company name removed) Feb 2008 – Sept 2008
*Processed Donations
*Reconciled Donor Database With Online Lockbox Interface
*Trained Team Members on Sorting/Caging Daily Direct Mail
*Trained Team Members on Processing Direct Mail Donations
*Internal/External Customer Service

(company name removed) Dallas, Texas
Payment Applications Specialist Oct 2005 – Jan 2008
*Internal/External Customer Service
*Trained Team Members on Payment Research and Application Processes
*Researched, Located and Posted Missing/Misapplied Payments
*Processed Refund Checks and Returned Items
*Balance/Audit Coordinator Outages
*Direct Contact to Advantage/Banner Database and Chase Lockbox Vendors
*Liaison to the Accounting Department for GL Reconciliation
*Reconcile Corporate Bank Accounts w/ Cashier Reports

(company name removed) Dallas, Texas
Office Manager Mar 2005 – Aug 2005
*Created Specialized Statistical Reports
*Maintained Recruiter Productivity Reports
*Maintained Recruit Database
*Trained Seasonal Employees on Daily office Support Processes
*Updated Payroll and Return on Investment Reports
*Accounts Receivable

(company name removed) Houston, Texas
Jr. Accounting Clerk Mar 2003 – Sept 2003
*Handled Inbound Calls from Clients/Vendors
*Re-billed Past Due Balances to Third Parties
*Managed Delinquent Accounts
*Reconciled driver expense reports
*Performed general Customer Service and Inventory Control

(company name removed) Dallas, Texas
Assistant Office Manager May 2000 – Dec 2001
*Scheduled Appointments
*Maintained Client/Vendor/Talent Database
*General Customer Service
*General Accounting
*Primary Liaison for Clients/Vendors/Talent
*Processed Photographer Payroll/Expense Accounts

(company name removed) Dallas, Texas
Teller (CSR1) May 1998 – Dec 2000
*Major Cash Handling
*Processed Withdrawals/Deposits
*Customer Service
*Cross Sold Financial Products

REFERENCES: Available Upon Request

So folks! Whatchu think? Am I ready to really go into the wild world of job-iddy look-iddy land?

It's been a long time...I shouldn't have left you...

without a dope beat to step to...and I'm sorry BlogSpot... *hugs BlogSpot tightly* you know I love you, right? I mean, you and me have been through alot together...and you are always there when I need you...I know you feel the change in me...everytime I get ready to blog, something always comes up...I haven't been paying attention to you like I used to...well...the truth is...but...*patting the bed beside me for you to sit* there's something I have to tell you...I've been distracted because, there's someone else...His name is TWITTER!



Don't cry baby, I still love you...you know that...it's just I get lonely at home all day, alone...I don't get to interact with other adults...and TWITTER helps me do that...he understands my needs right now...he makes me laugh and keeps me in touch with new and interesting people... *blocks slap* no Bloggy, of course I think you're interesting, but you aren't always available to me...I can reach Twitty from my phone...*wiping tears away* but this is why I am finally coming clean... I want us to work this out! I am willing to get writer's counseling and be a better blogger to you than I have ever been before...but first you have to take me back...forgive me... *dropping to my knees in a dramatic display of emotion* please BlogSpot! *sobbing* I will do anything!

*cues up Please Don't Go by Tank*

I now NEED a BOAT!!

If you know me...you know I LOVE irreverant and ridiculous humor...I was on my boy JBIGG's blog and he had this video posted...I HAD to share with the group!

I gots'ta get me a boat biiiiiiitch!

GOODY ROCKS THE RED PUMP!

How well do you know your lovers?

What about the people they were laying with before they were laying with you?

In life, there are few guarantees and knowing your status is one of the most important things you can do for yourself! I have a few friends that have STS (Sexually Transmitted Situations)...you know, the diseases that you cannot take a shot to cure...there isn't a pill big enough to rid you of Herpes...Syphillis...or the biggest one of all...HIV/AIDS...I recently found out that a couple I know is infected with HIV! I was crushed for them! They are reeling from the news and aren't sure how, when, where or from whom they contracted this devastating disease...neither of them knows where to start to begin to process this living tragedy! Notifying past lovers, handling insurance nightmares, telling their friends and families...there isn't a word strong enough to describe the emotional roller coaster these two must be on right now...News like this is something no person ever wants to hear, or be involved in...please pray for them...

This tragedy made me think...made me pray...made me cry...and pray some more...

I know women who think it can't happen to them, but I KNOW better! There is no protection from this epidemic! It is touching married couples, gays, straights, children, the elderly and overwhelmingly WOMEN!

I got an email from LUVVIE asking me to support this movement...and it hit so close to home for me, I had no choice!

KNOW YOUR STATUS!!

Today is NATIONAL WOMEN/GIRLS HIV/AIDS AWARENESS DAY!

I can't type it enough!!!!

KNOW YOUR STATUS!

Did You Know:

-High-risk heterosexual contact was the source of 80% of the newly diagnosed HIV infections in 2005.

(high risk heterosexual contact is defined as unprotected sex, sex with a man that has sex with men, concurrent sexual relationships, and sex with a person that you know to be infected)

-AIDS is the leading cause of death for African American women aged 25 to 34 and HIV rates among Hispanic women are increasing.

-African American women accounted for 67% of estimated AIDS cases in 2004, but only 13% of the U.S. female population.

-Of the estimated 141 infants perinatally infected with HIV, 91 (65%) were black (CDC, HIV/AIDS Reporting System, unpublished data, December 2006).



ONE MINUTE

Went to my friend's funeral, hoping in peace he now rested...

Growing from a seed to a tree, had worse climate than the rest did...

From age 9, this water sign was abused and molested...

Had hard times but "Jesus walks" is what he'd say like K. West did...

Gave his heart, spirit, mind and his body unprotected…

The catch was this man had 2 lives, showed both sexes affection...

He was on the down low and wasn't fond of protection...

Until he came across this sweetheart, orange moon, bright reflection...

She turned him on to good health and sharing the gift he was blessed with...

Don't ask, don't tell she gave him everything he requested...

Months pass, he's crossing paths, returning to her w/ infection...

She gets a physical and blood test, and then what? Yeah you guessed it!

Honey has full blown AIDS, to make it worse, 2 months pregnant...

She’s in the ground, not breathing now, and her children are neglected…

Meaningful life cut in its prime because she never asked questions!

Protect yourself and your partner’s health, life ends quick when you’re reckless!

Moral of the story, know your status and no latex no sex kid!

When you lay with one, you’re sexing all the people they've slept with…

The realest shit ever spoke…so respect it…GET TESTED!!

© GOODENess 2008

QUIZES IS THE BIZNESS!!

I know I am an open book, so I thunk to take a few quizes in an effort to get those horoscope-ish synopsis at the end...that can explain parts of me better thanI can...like a flavorless fortune cookie...so here goes...read these for me and see if you agree...disagree...why?

yeah I'm bored...sue me!

You Are 30% Left Brained, 70% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

You Communicate Honestly

You don't mince words. You are to the point and all about the facts. However, you are charming enough to tell people the truth yet still not offend them. It's likely that you have a hilarious, no holds barred sense of humor. And you sure tell an entertaining story! You're also quite open. People can ask you anything, and you don't shy away from controversial conversation topics.

What Kind of Communicator Are You?

Your Sensuality Score is: 85%

You taste, smell, feel, see, and hear more strongly than most people. Even the smallest sensual act can be quite divine for you. You are a hedonist. You like to experience it all... whether it's food, art, music, or sex. If you're not careful, you're apt to overindulge or get addicted to a certain pleasure.

How Sensual Are You?

Your IQ Is 105

Your Logical Intelligence is Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional Your General Knowledge is Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

You Are Warm and Social

You are optimistic and hopeful. Sometimes you do get disappointed by expecting too much. You are very outgoing and friendly. You feel very comfortable in a crowd, and you can get to know anyone. Money is fairly important to you. You aren't super greedy, but you enjoy spending money on yourself. You are curious about ideas. If you had the means, you'd like to explore the whole world.

The City Walk Personality Test

You Are Cute!

Believe it or not, you are much more attractive than you realize. You don't try too hard, and that's one of the cutest things about you. You have a vibrant glow about you, and people are drawn to your energy. You're not perfect, thank goodness. Your flaws are part of what's lovable about you.

Are You Cute or Sexy?

You Have Your PhD in Men

You understand men almost better than anyone. You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well. Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.

How Well Do You Understand Men?

WANNA PLAY??

I am ALWAYS doing something...my b(earth)day (February 16th) is no acception! This year it was nationally recognized...I mean banks, schools and post offices all over the country were shut down for the GOOD GIRL's 29th Biological New Year! Ok maybe President's Day had a little something to do with it, but I like my version better...all hail the MYLF!

(getting my "Kanye" on)

This year, it was a little harder to plan an Annual Uterine Emancipation Celebration because the Saturday before my birthday was Valentine's Day...or Single's Awareness Day for those of us who ain't got nobody to cake with that day...lol...so I pushed my party back to February 21, 2009 adn celebrated in conjunction with PlayDate Dallas! It's a cool ass event that happens monthly in several major markets (Houston, Atlanta, etc) and this was my first time! They had lifesize Jenga, a Wii, Hungry Hippos, UNO, Connect Four, and even an itty bitty pool table...


and for those party people who don't enjoy throwback boardgames...there was Twister, a hoola hoop contest, and musical chairs...(I got second place)


my favorite part was the SIMON SEZ segment of the evening...SIMON had us doing everything from hunching the floor (yes I typed "hunching") to mean mugging the audience to doing little dance routines...and THEN to separate the SIMONs from the SEZers...SIMON SED..."it's time for the perculator!"



do you see me at the top?? do you?? GOTDAMN! and the rest is history...ALL HAIL the PlayDate Dallas SIMON SEZ CHAMP!! lol...
there is also a DJ...(ya'll KNOW I was loving that!!!)


and a BAR!


you just can't go wrong with a PlayDate!! After we left the event, we went to IHOP for cake! Read it!


If you didn't know, now you know! Now watch me blow it!


I had the WHOLE place singing me "Happy Birthday" and I was selling cake for a dollar...WHAT?! We are in a recession! I had a GREAT TIME and I would like to send speacial shouts out to my LOCAL BFF's:
DEE


and T(dot)MARTIN


with an honorable mention to my LONG DISTANCE BFF's
ABCDE


and REESE


AND to my eFriends LUVVIE and ALISE for the bee-day-blog-love!

Thanks for your support...I STAN YOU ALL!

The GOODest GIRL

my first haiku

local distraction

from long distance attraction

leaves us as just friends

(C) GOODENess 2009

PRAISE REPORT!!!

Lately, I have been spitting all around the DFW metroplex at different events and I was hired to spit at a private birthday party on Saturday, February 7, 2009 and an AMAZINGLY RANDOM BLESSING occurred! As it turns out, the focal point of this Annual Uterine Emancipation Celebration owns a collection agency that just happens to have an account in my name on their books...I had NO CLUE about this AWESOME twist of fate when I agreed to the gig. There were a few spoken word artists there to share their art in praise of the greatness that was the birthday boy...He looked like a Muslim w/ iiinidan in his family so for the sake of entertainment and the fact that I don't really want to put his gubmint name on blast like that...I will call him...HOTSALAMIBACON The event was BEAUTIFUL! His employees were wishing him birthday love and telling everyone what a good and decent man he is...even the spouses of his employees were almost in tears when wishing him many more to come! It was an honor to be participant in lifting up such a thoughtful and giving man! Giving him his flowers while he's still living kind of thing! He really is the change he wants to be in the world!! AWESOME I SAY!! HOTSALAMIBACON came over and thanked me for my contribution to his celebration...we exchanged well wishes and ego strokes and then I said "Since you love my work so much can you have your employees stop calling me?" I was joking...but then he said, "You're pretty, talented, and funny too! Give me your government name and your account number and I'll just write that off!" YAAAAAYYY!!! I was SO EXCITED! I jumped up and gave him a big hug around the neck! GOD IS GOOD!!!

TMI in 3...2...1...The most ironic part of this blessing is that the collection effort was for an eviction that I got when the co-parent was ass-clowning. I am relocating to another major metropolitan area in another state in July and I needed to pay that eviction off anyway so I could look for a new place in my new place w/o any trouble...so, I had just made a payment arrangements that were supposed to start on 2/16/09 (my b(earth)day) the day before this party! HOW DOPE IS THAT!???! It's like a sign that my move is the right choice for my life and my family right now! It made me happy inside and out...and as for the picture at the top!! I was feeling good...REAL GOOD!! can you blame me?

and oh yeah...I have got to wish a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my eCousin, WuDaMan!!!

my first (and last) poetry competition

My girl, SHUG AVERY, had a "Love Jones" spoken word competition on 02/04/09 in honor of Valentine's Day (and shit) and she asked me to come out! So I did...I have NEVER competed because most poetic competitions don't have a theme or topic which creates confusion in the audience because you get every topic imaginable! How can you line up poets and gauge their work/talent if it's like comparing apples to pizza to shoe polish...but this one had a topic...Plus, I have been penning some rather romantic type shit here lately and I was excited to be able to get it off my my page and let it fall from my lips...so I committed to the show...

Let it be said that I am a very relate-able poetess...I am not a fan of "uber-deep-pseudo-couplets strung together because you look revolutionary doing it"...you know the kinds of joints that you really can't follow but nod in approval because you don't want other folks to think you're not deep enough to "get it"...NEWSFLASH!!! they probably don't get it either, but want others to think they do..just like you...I prefer to hear stories or thoughts with a beginning, middle and end...maybe something funny...thoughtful...even revolution can be tangible...something I don't need a works cited page to understand...I call that shit "8 page prose" and I am not a fan...(hey that rhymed)

There were so many poets there that I have mad luv and respect for that I was excited about sharing with...so I got there and was schmoozing and boozing with the like minded mortals, the way Goody tends to do, and SHUG told me that there was a brief open mic before the competition, like a warm up. I was hyped cuz I could spit some non-eros mind candy amongst my peers...the others thunk the same thing cuz these cats hit the stage spitting thesis length works on REVOLUTION!!

Then the "competition" began...Now, when you think "Love Jones" set you think ROMANTIC poetry...right?? right?? WRONG!! First of all, we all know that most dudes get into to spoken word for the drawls...so I was completely expecting some ass-tastic, pantie wetting, booty-calling poetry being released like a good nut from the rose petal covered stage...oh but no! these cats hit the stage and (once again) spit never ending rants about AIDS, OBAMA and BAD ASS KIDS...and I was confused-ed...to my surprise, I was the only (feminine) woman competing so I took the opportunity to follow directions and spit on topic...the "L" word...not LOVE, but some real hard LIKE... At this point, I was poetically intimidated because serving SWEET LOVE in a room that's been fed HOT UPRISING may not be received in the mood it was intended...long story short...I made it to round 2 of the Kee-Kee Shepherd-ing and was ultimately trumped by a dope sister named SHALE that gave us a living metaphor about CANDYLAND and the CANDYMAN (the US and BUSH)..it ain't make me feel all warm and fuzzy nor lovey and dovey...but it was HOT SHIT, no lie...lol...(yeah that's HER)

After that experience...I am 100% SURE (Maury) that poetic competition is like a 3some...seems exciting at first, but in the end it's overrated and too much work!

Be GOOD or Be GOOD AT IT... keep you eyes open for something sweet on the 14th!

destroyed...

suffocating in his house made of glass but not a single window...
gasping for air on the bed he made, using the stones he can't throw for a pillow...
at first the union made perfect sense, now he enters and exits under mistrust's surveillance
harvesting 9 month fruit that was planted last summer while
holding back tears that want to fall like autumn leaves
from a tree with a wetness reminiscent of spring showers
only to be frozen into snowflakes by the cold shoulder of winter
wanting to remain intact but just existing,
not living, not getting only giving...life freys and splinters
into like, love and lust
the nightmare of once fertile soil turned to dust...
that never really was...
rising from submission to a reigning position...like the phoenix
example of living, loving, resilience, feel the realness
a shift in the paradigm of what should be and what is...
behaving as though it were
ship abandoned because the friend is a "her"...and now hurt...
the balancing act is off key and askew
unsure of how to shift the weight of the righteous thing to do
but honor prevails, a knight donning his armor to stand against adversity
universally
but his valor is muted in misguided preservation of imaginary peace
so he slumps suffocating in his house made of glass but not a single window...
eyes closed, head resting on the stones he dare not throw...
destroyed…

Shannon rhymes with Random...(16 bars)

I know a GOOD dude named MONK that recently posted "16 Randoms" on his blog...essentially random and little know facts about himself...you know sharing w/ the group and sh1t...you're supposed to TAG people to participate in the exercise but Dame don't be following directins and sh1t!!So, I pretended that he tagged me and proceeded to try to type a Randomness joint of my own and realized that there isn't anything that's just really random about me that people don't already know...damn my open-booked-ness! So here is an attempt to try to tell you some sh1t you didn't know about this GOOD GIRL!(taking a deep breath)

1 - My mom doesn't (and has never) cooked...I was raised on Chinese food and Churches chicken...I live in TEXAS, so when my Southern folks start rattling off "soul food" that they love and sh1t...I can't even contribute...and as a result of my mom's culinary handicap, I learned to eat w/ chopstix before I could use a fork!

2 - I am a functioning NOMOPHOBIAC which means I have a fear of being without my cell phone...sad but true...my phone's name is KRYPTONITE and he even has a special spot in my bed!

3 - When I lived in CA (1985-1993), I was a breakdancer!

4 - I am ridiculously afraid of clowns...not this okeed doke...GASP A CLOWN! type sh1t.. I am talking all out, can't breathe, crying, screaming, bout to pass out ass AFRAID OF CLOWNS! My son wants a clown at his 6th b(earth)day party, and guess what? if the clown is there...mommy won't be!

5 - I don't eat watermelon (ANY melon for that matter), cornbread, pancakes, anything that ever had tenticles or jello...(unless it's in shot form, of course)

6 - In addition to my actual son, Clarence, I have 3 imaginary children...the twins, Carson (boy) and Clark (girl)and the baby Harlem Renai!

7 - I will always tell you if your breath hurts my feelings...

8 - Sometimes I talk with an English accent just because! When I was little, my sister and I would speak in fake as sign language to each other in public just to mess with people...lol

9 - Before I buy a new pair of heels... I hit a 3 point stance and take a lap around the store to make sure I can run in them!

10 - I don't have a FAVORITE RAPPER! I have a HIP HOP VIP section where all my favorites get along like vegetarians (no beef)! "We superstars, no Lupe"

11 - I am a handful! (kind of)

12 - I LOVE the smell of gasoline!

13 - When I was in kindergarten I was kicked out of Tyler Street Christian Academy for absolutely regfusing to go to chapel because I was convinced that there were vampires in there!

14 - I wish I was as indepedent as I pretend to be on TV...lol

15 - When I am alone in my room, sometimes I stare at the wall!

16 - I break out in random ass rhymes all the damn time, just to showcase my lyrical skill adn let niggas know how I feel...LM(red)AO!